Wahiawa hills trail

The kids came home, tanned and jet-lagged, and threw a tie-dyed Led Zeppelin shirt at me. It's great having them back, and Billy came out from under the bed to apologize for thinking I had traded the family for a rotten kitten. We’re all sad about Sookie, but relieved to be back together.

The next day I was sitting by the Wahiawa water tower, posting this:

I am not a hiker. I am the decomposed remains a hiker stumbles across. After losing him, it only took me 30 minutes of picking my way down the steep mountainside and ending up in a stagnant stream bed to realize I was absolutely the kind of person who would trip on a root and break my ankle and get washed away by a flash flood, so I turned around to head back. On the way, I missed a turn and ended up at the mouth of a dark, overgrown cave. It was the kind of cave that would 100% have a dead body in it, and if anyone had been with me I would have gotten inside to have a look around, but I did not want to be the next dead body on the pile, so I did not do that.

The murder cave I did not investigate and end up skeletonized in

For about an hour, I sat at the trail head, contemplating widowhood and trying to decide how long to wait before calling a rescue helicopter.

He finally made it out, muddy, dehydrated, and suffering from heat stroke. He drank a gallon of water and had to soak in a cold tub to get his temperature down. 

This is the official trail:

 

This is the trail he went on:

 

Let's just zoom in on this bit:

the straight lines are where his phone lost connection completely

 

Hiking is silly unless it ends in a waterfall you can swim in. I want payment for my foolishness.

It is pretty, though. My corpse will leave a beautiful camera reel.

 

Trail?

 

this tree stump had nice hair

beautiful pool of magic milky water, probably full of amoebas

Trail?

 

Trail! 

(it was not the trail)

From here on, sticking to more popular routes, with lots of people to follow around/get carried out by.

… Except maybe to go back and find that cave with a big flashlight.