Now’s the time, the time is now

This thing is gaining momentum. I ordered clay and aprons and glazes and tools, my mother salvaged a load of kiln shelves, and we are ready to start making a mess.

This kid is in it for the linen aprons

Rearranging the studio

Annoyed we can't start throwing 5 minutes before dinnertime

I’ve started a new Instagram page for pottery stuff (hollybeepottery), where I’ll post wheel-throwing videos and scary kiln reveals. Ordered some large fake tattoos to add a pretentious air of artistry and also to cover up the fact that my arms are basically just two wet baguettes. FOR NOW.  

Goals:

 

Egg rescue and SADNESS

I used to have a friend who found playing cards on the sidewalk so frequently that he started looking them up to tell his fortune, just in case the fates were trying to leave him messages. I think he probably just had a lot of gamblers in the neighborhood, but it's a nice idea. This week I woke up from a nightmare for the fourth night in a row. Peeled a dead mouse off the library walkway. Fell asleep in a zoom meeting. Sat at the door waiting for patrons, staring at the sky and having an existential crisis. Discovered I’m one of the suspects in an Ann Cleeves book.

So when a playing card dropped out of a book I was handling, I went straight to the internets and looked that shit up.

Ten of Spades means SADNESS mixed with tears and disappointment. 

It isn’t just a bad card. It’s poisonous like jealousy. It will in a great measure counteract the good effects of the cards near you. You might be overcome by the feeling that nothing is right and the only thing you wish is to be to left alone. Ten of Spades is also a warning: take care not to get addicted to your sorrows.

 

Rude.

One of the wild hens behind my mother’s house pecks her babies to death. When we catch her on a clutch, the mental egg-hatching countdown starts, and our ears perk up for the sounds of infanticide. My mother still can’t drive with her recovering arm, so I came over for my weekend shift as caretaker and first thing this morning that stupid psychotic chicken started pecking her chicks as they hatched. We ran outside and grabbed up the survivors and the cracking eggs. One had already been murdered overnight, one had a horrific brain injury and is in a special hospice box with a warmer, and two got away alive. We dabbed ointment on the one that was bleeding, and we are on eggy watch now.

It is really hard not to mess with them. You imaging cracking them open and having fluff balls fall out, but what you’d get is a wet shrink-wrapped thing that bleeds to death. Let them work themselves out.

Will update this post as they hatch. Live video on my Instagram stories. 

Update:

Four viable chicks so far. Two eggs were having difficulty, so over the course of 8 hours we gently and slowly helped them along (don’t tear the membrane, give them a chance to struggle free so the blood vessels close), and they did finally break free, but one had a fatal birth defect, and it’s going to die. Which is fucking awful. The other, however, managed to get its shrink wrapping off just fine once it had some help.

Chopper, who made it out all by herself in record time 

Pecky, the baby who survived multiple head injuries 

Eggy, who had a little help and popped out successfully 

The lucky baby who escaped murder hen while she killed the others and hid crying in a flower pot until we rescued her

Update again:

Holy shit, what we thought was a scary birth defect was some kind of yolky prenatal weirdness, because she absorbed it all, kicked off her shell, and screamed “I’M ALIVE, MOTHERFUCKERS.” We apologized and cuddled her and took her out of the hospice box to put her in with the others. 5 survivors!

Update next morning:

Two more eggs hatched, one at bedtime and one in the morning. 

The chicks are in a bird cage with a soft pocketed warming pad suspended over them so that the pocket hangs down like a tunnel, and they’ve all crammed inside it to make a cuddle puddle. Guess what we didn’t need? 7 MORE CHICKENS. We will find good homes for these sweet nuggets.

Hibiscuits

Painting hibiscus over here. I’ll probably sit down for a few more hours and try to ruin these things before calling it quits.

In my latest act of transfiguration, I turned $300 into a pottery wheel. Currency is the oldest and laziest form of wizardry — but just because you know how it’s done doesn’t mean it isn’t magic. As soon as I figure out what kind of clay and glazes we need, this ceramics operation will be in motion. I’m going to make a flower vase the cats can’t knock over, and a coffee cup you could use in hand to hand combat. The kids can fill the house with bowls and little mangled figurines. Making things is important.

Also there are MORE CHICKS. 

Two feral hens got into one of the flower pots behind my mom’s house and shared a clutch of 21 eggs. 14 of those hatched successfully, and the two moms realized they didn’t know how to get the nuggets out of the big pot. We had to scoop out handfuls of fluff balls and deal with the dead ones while the mother hens tried to sort out whose chicks were whose. In the end they settled on walking around together while the chicks run back and forth between them.

Adorable.

Especially because they’re not my problem.

Oh no, she’s still talking about flowers

I left the wilting hibiscus on an unused chair all weekend and came back to find them twisted up and dried. Nothing dries here, things just mold and decompose, so this is some kind of miracle.

Love them even more now.

My new plant blossomed the minute I wasn’t home, but Gavin got a picture of it. I’m stalking the next bud, which is only days away from opening.

Slowly working on a portrait of these beauties. Before they mummified. For now.

Fish hooks and flowers

If pandemic job duties were a steel trap, I’d have chewed my own leg off by now. We’re all daydreaming about radical career changes.

“There is a new forensic anthropology program at the university,” I told my coworker. “I am going to take night classes and go work with dead people.” 

“See, that would be interesting. I always wanted to be a private investigator. Sneak around, catch people doing things.”

“You’d be good at that, you can run fast. I’d get beat up a lot. But I could probably win a fight against a dead person.”

“Some of those crime scenes can be pretty gross, though.”

A year in masks has taught everyone’s eyebrows to speak full sentences. My eyebrows said, pfft, I’m not even bothered because I’m a legendary badass.

Her eyebrows said, girl, I’ve seen you clean a toilet.

Ten minutes later she was handling some old picture frames for the film guys and got a rusty fish hook stuck through her finger. I did what any cool-headed forensics expert would do and freaked the fuck out. Ran around getting bandaids and pliers and wire cutters, handing them up to her on the ladder with my eyes squinched shut. We had to get the film crew’s medic (a retired PE teacher) to cut her off the wall and pry the hook out of her finger. “Well. If you were dead I could have gotten it out for you,” I said. 

I’m overqualified for a certificate in being an absolute weenie, at least. Put it on my resume.

And don’t use fish hooks to hang certificate frames, ffs.

Getting weird about hibiscus 

Doing the damn thing, because if I’m going to be painting flowers I should be painting local ones, not grocery store ones, and by the time the plants are big enough to produce blossoms I might have painting time again (RIGHT?). Plucky is into it, because rolling in fresh dirt and digging up baby plants are two of her favorite things. 

PLUCKY NOOO 

Drove up to Mokuleia to pick up the plant I bought from the hibiscus nursery. The flowers look a bit like a parrot tulip, which I think would be a neat twist on a classic Dutch painting tradition. 

An example of a thing that is not a tulip

 

An example of 17th century Dutch tulip painting by Anna Ruysch (1666-1754)

While I was up there, Jill the Hibiscus Lady gave me a box of loose blossoms, and I was SO EXCITED. Took a hundred reference pictures, because they wilt in a few hours. 

All the flowers I can eat. I’m about to evict the ceiling molding that has been squirreled into the studio while I was at work and paint hibiscus until my eyes fall out. And then buy every single one of these plants and let them take over the yard. Prepare your drumsticks, Plucky.

Easter 2021

Edited to add: father in law w/covid got out of the hospital on Easter! He’s still on oxygen, but improving.

Bought a pie that looked like a ring of cats performing a seance. 

Accidentally molested a brooding chicken that I thought was too white around the gills and maybe egg-bound. Got a pecking that I very much deserved.

Find the chicken in my garden shed

Tie dyed in the yard under the banana trees. The gardenias are blooming, the dwarf lime tree has fruits on its branches, and I’ve decided to dig up part of the garden and get weird about hibiscus. One of my library patrons cultivates her own varieties of hibiscus, and I want every variety of double blossom.

Billy and Droopy pulled all the decorative chenille chicks and feather butterflies off the Easter baskets and left their wet, chewed up little bodies all over the floor. It was an Easter morning massacre.

There was a glazed ham, and lemon pie with sky-high meringue, and bocce ball where nobody got clocked in the face. Tick this one off as a success.*

The last time all my offspring will be in the same Easter picture during their childhoods. This swift and fleeting mortal life, I tell you.

Billy, chenille chick murderer

Droopy, chewer of flowers and fake butterflies 

My mother, both arms attached  

It happened again. 

Chickens are better at hide and seek than I am.

Lady, are you okay? Do you need help?

NO. FUCK OFF.

Occult pie cats

I found a filter that adds rainbows and cat hair for enhanced authenticity 

Free form experimentation

So that’s the last big holiday. The next big event is the boy’s high school graduation. I am not ready for that one. Time to knit more hats.

* As I was writing this, something was crunching under the dining table, and I found Billy and Droopy eating all the beef jerky out of my basket. Keeping it on-brand around here.