Every other day or so, a parent drags their child up to me and makes them show me the book they are holding, wanting to know if that book is really appropriate for their child. So here are my thoughts on that, as a children's librarian.
If your child reads the whole book, it is appropriate for your child.
It's really that simple. I promise. I am not saying all books are appropriate for all people at all points in their life - I am saying the reader sorts this out for themselves. A kid with low reading comprehension will not be interested in a book that is difficult to get through. A child with no knowledge of history or politics will not be interested in a book with a heavy social message. Lots of kids grab the Hunger Games because they want to be a part of the teenage craze, but after a couple of pages they put it down and go back to Katie the Kitten Fairy. Lots of kids read below their reading level because it's comfortable; don't worry if they're not reading "hard" enough books, just read aloud at bedtime and listen to audio books, and they'll pick it up on their own when they're ready. Once they've gotten engrossed in a story, you might find that the book itself might not be appropriate to read at school or to read aloud to their baby sister or to read instead of doing homework, but for their own brains in their own time - they'll be fine. They can handle it.
What about sex and violence? Your child is going to learn about sex and violence. Books are the safest way to navigate those issues. Your child is not going to be harmed by reading a book. I want to repeat that: your child is not going to be harmed by reading a book.
Information is exactly what you want to give them. If they are not ready for something that comes up in one of their books, they will lose interest in that book and toss it aside and find something easier/fluffier/sillier/fartier. All on their own. Really.
If your child is curious about racism or sexuality or abuse or guns or drugs or cannibalism, get them to a book. If your child seems to be bothered by something they have read, go ahead and read the book and start a conversation.
I obviously wouldn't recommend Fifty Shades of Grey to an 11 year old, but if I had gotten hold of that book at that age I can guarantee I would have read it, and laughed, and been squicked out, and been fine. If I caught my kid reading Fifty Shades of Grey, we would be having a nice chat about shitty writing and bad relationships. I used to peruse the steamy scenes in battered romance novels lying around offices, and decided by the age of 12 never to date a man who called any part of me a "love mound" with a straight face. I was not harmed. Recently, I tossed a graphic novel with nice art to my 12 year-old son, and then read it later to discover that it was full of teen drug use, pregnancy, suicide, and miscarriage. He was already reading his next Warriors book, unperturbed. We talked about the story and the art, I answered a few questions, and it was a good conversation. Kids bring their personalities and personal beliefs and family backgrounds with them when they read a book, and that's where parents get to weigh in and lend some guidance.
So, is the book appropriate? Yes, I would argue so. Is it good quality? Maybe not - discuss that with them. Is it sexist and containing violent imagery? Comics in particular can be pretty horrible to women - discuss that with them. Is it going to inspire your child to attempt murder? Mental illness, personality disorders, developmental issues, or abuse may cause your child to act out things that inspire them, but it is not the fault of the book/art/music/whathaveyou itself.
Read books. Discuss books. Let your kid follow their interests. It'll be ok - and if it's not ok, it's not because of the books. Good luck.
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