The nightmares keep crowding in, I have imaginary arguments while driving, and I punch the radio and shake my iPod in search of some song to articulate my discomfort with flying back to Maui and taking a 2-hour drive with a 3 month-old to visit people I am not sure I am ready to see yet.
I don't have a song for this situation, or that place. I used to play Fuck You on the way to work when problem patrons were acting up, but I never bothered to hunt out a song for anything else. Mostly I am indifferent, except when I am not. It's like being indifferent to the color orange, until someone pelts you in the face with a bucket of orange paint.
My solution has been to throw all this over my shoulder and remind myself that we will have a cabin by the beach to hide in if it all goes down the crapper. I can lock everyone out and eat bbq in my undercrackers all weekend if I want.
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