Toes are superfluous anyway

The kids went off to the water park with the cousins, leaving me home alone with the baby, and of course I immediately forgot everything I used to like to do. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, because the baby forgot how to sleep. I carried her around while doing housework. She tried crying, but it didn't make her sleepier, so she sighed and sucked her hands. I did not try crying, because I didn't want her to take it personally, and wasn't sure I would be able to stop anyway. The day went on like this until my mother came and dragged me off to the mall - then smashed my foot with a bistro chair at Teddy's Burgers and broke my toe. Maybe it was the surprise, or the adrenaline, or senility, but that cheered me right up. I will keep a hammer on hand, to bash in my remaining toes when I'm sad. Cheaper than sky diving.