book signing

asshole: So, how big is your run?
me: Oh, I'm not sure.
asshole (with sneer): did you even sign a contract?
me: yeah
asshole: did you read it?
me: yes. I'm sure I could look it up.
asshole: you'll just sign anything? Doesn't matter? You should know your book run, your royalties, you know, important things. Did you even bother looking?
me: Nope, I just sign what they give me.

Idiot.

Today I was the literal kid in the candy store, taking a plastic baggie for the first time and hopping from bin to bin in the candy kiosk across from the bookstore in the mall, scooping up malt balls, red licorice, mint candies, and chocolate covered gummy bears. It was great. It's important to celebrate things, and I make a point to treat myself on book signing days. One of my library school colleagues dropped by and gave us leis, took our picture, and bought a book to show support. It was our happiest signing yet.

Only a week left of school. I walked into class last night and gave Adnan a bump, he turned and grabbed me gently by the neck with a weird smile. He had hit the campus bar before class. I had forgotten such things existed. He wasn't impaired, and I was jealous about how relaxed he was during the difficult first half of class (library students: a 5 minute presentation means 5 MINUTES, not 15, not 20, and definitely not 30! I know we can't count, but sheesh). Yuri had prepared herself for this with half a pan of brownies. This is how other people avoid going apeshit under the grind of summer school. All I had was a pack of gum. Mike, however, had me covered. I returned home to a mindless movie (Hitch), a bowl of popcorn, and a recording of Battlestar Galactica. I'm back in business now.

Several days ago I had a close look at my face in Mike's shaving mirror and decided that the blonde fuzz on my face was actually a mustache and beard. So I shaved. This seemed harmless enough until this morning, when I woke up with the invisible itchy torture of hundreds of sharp blades of blonde stubble. This was bad enough, and then I was exposed at work to the naked horror that is GG Allin. The joys of working with the public.