A trip to the tattoo shop

Zenny announced last week that she wanted to get her ears pierced. "I'm turning 10, and I've already had surgery and blood draws and IVs, so I should be able to handle getting my ears pierced, no problem." Okay, then.

We decided to get the job done by piercing professionals, rather than a teenager with a plastic piercing gun at the mall, and called around the local tattoo shops until we found one who was willing to poke holes in a 9 year-old. Tattoo shops respect bodily autonomy, and won't put their hands on a crying little kid being dragged in by their parents, which is a stance I appreciate. The young man at Aloha Tattoo was very kind and gentle with her, made sure she was making the decision for herself, and led us through the shop to a little room overlooking the river. He breathed with her three times, she squeezed my hand, he pushed the needle through with the earring loaded in the end of it, and it was over in a second. She didn't make a peep, there was hardly any blood, and her ears stopped aching after an hour or two, with no redness or swelling. 100% better experience than mall piercings (which is how all of mine were done), and worth every extra dollar. The girl is so proud, and they are so cute.

As we drove home, she said, "And now the next time a soldier goes in for a tattoo and makes a fuss, he can say, I just had a 9 year-old in here who was braver than you!"

Right on, kid.

Goat content

I am sitting in my car outside the locked high school gates at night, wearing polar bear jim-jams and waiting for my kid to finish robotics while I listen to pop music from the 90s, trying to calculate how much of my public education was replaced by lyrics to songs I haven’t heard in 25 years. So far: I can’t remember any of the state capitals, but I know the words to “Here Comes the Hotstepper”. Thanks for that, years in the swim team van. The cops have cruised by twice to decide if I’m a prowler, and turned around when they heard what is happening in my car.

Here are some pictures from the North Shore Stables this weekend:

resolve

Tested for lead. Scraped up flaking old paint. Hooked up the palm sander. Sanded the house for hours, until my entire body was buzzing and my arms could barely move. It looks like an abandoned shack, but we are one step closer to painting this thing. 

not done sanding yet; all those mismatched horizontal boards at the bottom are getting replaced, and the cupboard will get some knobs. Larry the Mason was big on installing cupboards everywhere.

everything around the window is getting replaced, door refinished, and gutters installed

 

Progress:

 

 

Excited to have a house that does not look like it has been attacked by a bear.

While that was all happening, the gallery show ended, and I didn't sell a thing this time. We drove down to Honolulu to pick up the paintings, and then walked a couple blocks through Chinatown to the Pig and the Lady for lunch. My friend Philip loved this place, and I've been meaning to try it ever since he died. Even at lunch on a Tuesday it was packed, every table reserved, and we had to sit in a corner of the bar next to a happy wooden pig.

It was amazing. The best thing I have eaten since that stupid delicious $20 potato. The brisket was wow. The bread was whoa. We will be back to try the dinner menu someday soon. 

 

Thank you, Philip.

And there is contemplation happening. A trip to Scotland. A tattoo, maybe. Zenny is thinking she wants her ears pieced. Gavin is deciding which tech company to intern with next semester, with the understanding that wherever he interns might be where he lives after graduation, and he's narrowed it down to Washington or Oregon, which will make it a lot easier to visit him. Leif is about to start the build season with his robotics team, which means travel for competitions. We're ready for big (non-surgical) things this year, let's do it.

NYE 2022

I have still not figured out how to enjoy New Year’s Eve. My plans are always “hunker down and endure”. We made a nice dinner, watched a movie, soaked our feet in Korean exfoliating slime booties, and when we couldn’t hear anything over the noise we went outside to watch the aerials and hope the chickens didn’t drop dead of heart attacks out of the tree. One of the fireworks blew up too low and an arm of sparkling red fire shot through the yard and almost got Zenny, who had decided that fireworks were not safe and turned to run back onto the porch just in time. It grazed past her butt and hit the house in a shower of sparkles. I kept standing like a goose wrapped in a couch blanket in the middle of the yard, resigned to whatever was happening. Maybe I would find joy. Maybe I would receive a merciful death. Result: neither, because that is adulthood for you. 

Fun fact: fireworks are illegal in Hawaii. I don’t actually have a problem with all the aerials, I have a problem with drunk people banging them off at random intervals every night for 4 months leading up to New Year

Directly over the chickens, sorry girls

Neighbors testing the flammability of all our roofs

But that’s done now. The neighbors finally turned their music off and went to sleep at 8am. I think maybe today might be a good day to learn to play the bagpipes. 

Christmas 2022

Christmas Eve went off without a hitch. My mother brought up an electric fireplace to add coziness, and the cats sat around it as if it were the real thing. Christmas Eve dinner is the deconstructed version of Christmas dinner: all the makings of a huge meat pie. Roast beef, roast lamb, tiny potatoes, piles of carrots, loads of gravy. It’s simple to cook, delicious to eat, and easy to chop up and throw together under puff pastry the next day, when you’re exhausted and full of chocolate and booze. Hands down, my favorite meal of the year.

I still have not managed to finish watching It’s a Wonderful Life in one sitting, but we did watch the Christmas episode of The Twilight Zone (“Night of the Meek”, season 2, episode 11). It’s a good one.

Christmas Day

At the stoke of 5am, the cats started rampaging, the rooster started crowing, and Zenny started shaking us awake. I put on a sad pot of decaf, popped two chocolate covered coffee beans like energy pills, and we did the Christmas morning thing.

The “seal of disapproval” pillow was a winner

Santa did not get credit for the bike. Santa brings small blinky toys and Japanese candies and scary exfoliating foot creams and dumb underwear. Parents bring the good stuff. 

The cats were very patient with me when I opened up a new lens and started following them around with the camera like an instagrammer’s boyfriend.

#wokeuplikethis #nofilter #blessed

In the afternoon, when everyone was worn out and laying on the floor, we bagged up the mess, packed the food, and drove to my mother’s house for Christmas dinner with my aunt and cousins. I brought a magic flan cake for kids who don’t like rum-soaked figgy pudding, and it was a hit. No leftovers, I win. Sorry, figgy pud.

Nothing caught on fire. No arguments broke out. No illnesses, crying, or injuries. And while I did not catch a moment where I felt the magic — it gets harder and harder to do as an adult — the kids were feeling it, and that’s where it counts. It was a good one.

xoxo

Christmas Eve Eve

The day before Christmas Eve is a day for cookies, bread, and, evidently, knife throwing. I kept expecting every thwack to be followed by a yelp that meant it was time to go the ER for some holiday stitches, but they managed to keep their skins intact.

If this is a skill they ever use in real life, I hope it gets caught on video

We had a lot of rain and now the hibiscus are popping off

This guy showed up right before Christmas. Baby Jesus??

Crackle-tops 

Better results than usual this year

My miniature lime tree is working hard this year 

Chorizo flowers

Leif vs cookie

Anti-gravity cat

Really digging having all my kids home

results

MORE COOKIES

The suburban leash-cat

Zenny is so excited by everything, she’s adorable 

Billy is feeling it, too 

Cracking my knuckles and getting ready to hit the kitchen. Christmas Eve is my sports event.

2022 Annual Questionnaire

1. What did you do in 2022 that you’d never done before? I scored an alarming quantity of Percocet from an emergency room in Kentucky and learned about auditory hallucinations. Talked with a detective about a bullet hole in the library window. Had surgery. Wore booty leggings.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions? I ticked off all my art goals (sales, shows, competitions) and you know what? I'm just going to get fit this year. It's a classic, and there are no deadlines and gallery fees.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My cousin, who is my age, is having her SECOND grandchild.

4. Did anyone die? Both of Mike's grandparents died this year. My college friend died of MS. One of my high school classmates was murdered, another died of natural causes. My friend's little sister, who I knew growing up on Molokai and had Thanksgiving with every year, killed herself. One of my college professors died last week. My old fat cat died in my arms. The body count has been getting out of control in recent years, I DO NOT LIKE IT.

5. What places did you visit? I went to a library conference in Chattanooga and made it a whole day before ending up in the ER with my organs rupturing. Went to a concert in Waikiki. Scared myself in a cave. Ran from a woman screaming about the devil on a ghost tour. Took the kids on a spooky nighttime ride on the historic Ewa train.

6. What would you like to have in 2023 that you lacked in 2022? Another year gone, and I am still not wearing metallic pants.

7. What moments from 2022 will remain etched upon your memory? 

The long minutes watching Zenny wake up from general anesthesia. The seizure a week later, when we were sick with Covid. 

One of my regular library patrons threw a chair and screamed that he was going to kill himself, then gave a speech to the door counter, which he thought was a security camera, accusing Jack Johnson of a murder conspiracy.

The abandoned kittens, chewing the meat off their dead mother, and the long hours sitting there with a trap, trying to rescue them.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I joined a fitness program and worked out every day for 4 months, following the meal plans and blowing most of the food budget on fresh produce and high quality proteins.

9. What was your biggest failure? I had no visible fitness results and gained weight anyway.

 

 

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Months of losing energy and thinking I just needed to exercise harder/take more vitamins/eat more vegetables, and it turned out I was developing cervical cancer, lol.

 
11. What was the best thing you bought? An oven that would not be used as an elimination challenge in a cooking competition.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Zenny was a beast this year, tackling kidney surgery, running the kids Spartan race, reading piles of books, and learning to ride horses. Leif learned CAD in robotics and started manufacturing pieces with the scary water-cutting machine. Gavin got a job on campus and made some friends, finally. They're all pretty great.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled? Drunk Wife lost my grandfather when she sent him to the store for beer and he got confused and drove all the way to Phoenix. Also she canceled his Meals on Wheels because she was too drunk to open the gate for the delivery guys twice a week. (My aunt reinstated it before he starved, and she gets points for NOT bonking the woman on the head with a shovel and burying her in the desert.)

 

Also I signed up for Reddit, because Twitter was dying. I'm sorry. (Some jerk stole my regular name, so I'm "muu-mo".) 

14. What did you get excited about? Catching an angry mongoose in a cat trap was a very exciting couple of minutes.

15. What song will always remind you of 2022?  Fleetwood Mac's the Chain, in Our Flag Means Death, my favorite 2 minutes of cinematography of the whole year.

 

And that old fork in the ear, Kate Bush, had her moment this year.

 

 

The radio did not catch me crying in the car. Achieving those #relationshipgoals. 

 

16. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? More determined to be happy.
b) thinner or fatter? a bit fatter. Also a lot stronger, even if you can't tell unless we’re arm wrestling.
c) richer or poorer? A bit poorer. Leaning into whole foods and nutrition during an inflation year was rough on the budget.

17. What do you wish you’d done more of? I wanted to want to hike more. I have been following around sportsy people, wishing I liked what they like. But I do not. I like wide foot paths and little wooden bridges and benches to have snacks on. More of that kind of outdoors activity would be nice. 

18. What was your favorite TV program? Our Flag Means Death, Travel Man, and Stranger Things. Ms. Marvel and She Hulk were fun. We’ve been watching Better Call Saul with the teenager, which is the first serious adult show he’s been really into.

19. What was the best book you read? Fairy Tale, by Stephen King, and Go Tell the Bees That I am Gone, by Diana Gabaldon. I have been trying so hard to read the Butcher and the Wren, because it was written by one of my favorite podcast hosts (Alaina Urquart, Morbid), but I just can not. It is very bad, and I can't figure it out, because the podcast is good, and it doesn't seem like writing research notes and writing a story should be so different.

 

20. What did you want and get? My child made it safely through surgery with most of her kidney function. Also I got a camera. And an oven. And I did not die, which is a thing I enjoy.

 
21. What did you want and NOT get? I have somehow still not managed to repaint the house. I just scraped enough peeling paint off of it to make it look like shit. Baby Jesus is going to skip our house and go next door for his whiskey. Better luck next year.

22. "So! How's your love life?"

23. What was your favorite film of this year? Thor: Love and Thunder. Also I watched Everything, Everywhere, All at Once on an airplane while high on pain killers, and that was actually a really good way to experience it, because I was in the right mindset and the dildo fight scene was censored in a very funny way.

 
24. Did you make some new friends this year? I have a new co-worker, which is kind of like having a new friend, in the same way being trapped in an elevator with a stranger is like having a new friend.

25. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Punching a real person during my boxing workouts. Just one person in particular, actually.

26. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2022? "I'll buy new clothes when I've lost 10lbs" ie: rags.

 
27. What kept you sane? Pets deserve a lot of credit for stopping you from wearing yourself down just by piling on you like muffins when you’d otherwise be getting yourself another cup of coffee or getting ready for work or washing dishes or changing the laundry. Be quiet and still for a little bit, it's okay.


28. Which celebrity/public figure were you into?  You think I am going to say Taika Waititi in a beard, but it was Richard Ayoade absolutely hating every amusement attraction in Europe.

29. What political/news issue stirred you the most? It's been a calmer news year, locally. Someone got eaten by a shark, a medical airplane crashed, and an air glider smacked into a building, but none of my patrons were involved in anything they got caught for.

30. Who did you miss? If dream appearances count for anything, I was missing my high school boyfriend a bit this year (the good one, not the one who's in jail for getting high and stealing a door). We kept bumping into each other, saying hi, and then moving on with the regular dream. Another guy also showed up a few times, usually in a crowd and avoiding eye contact, so I'd keep walking, pretending not to have noticed, and then fall down a flight of stairs or something. I am missing being friends, I guess.

31. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2022.  It's not vitamins, you need to see a doctor.

like that guy from Memento, but with no note-taking system

Having an impaired short term memory might be more fun if it didn't come with the risk of burning the house down. And being pantsless when the fire department shows up because you started organizing wrapping paper halfway through getting dressed, and then went to put laundry in the washer and got distracted looking for chicken eggs. I wonder if now would be a good time to angle for a service dog.

 

nailed it

 

The Christmas Spirit got hold of me for a few minutes this weekend. It was not the good Spirit, though. It was the Christmas Spirit that tries to run over you in the parking lot. On Sunday, the man was having anxiety about elf pajamas. This is his family tradition, and he is in charge of it, but it got away from him this year, and there were no pajamas left anywhere, so I finally felt sorry for him and ditched the kids with my mother so we could drive to the "good" Target and see what they had. I had a moment at the checkout, watching the items add up on the register, looking around at everyone miserably pushing around carts full of garbage that will end up in a landfill, and I suddenly wanted to throw the pajamas at the cashier and run for my life.

 

But that is a cynical and unhelpful way to look at things. Get yourself home. Put the kettle on. Make (forget, burn) some cookies. Sit under a pile of pets. Everything is done for now. There are a lot of reasons why the holidays are hard for people, but we are here right now, and that's not nothing.

20

Gavin came home yesterday, after a close shave at the airport when he realized, almost too late, that no Lyft, Uber, or taxi drivers are awake at 4am on a Thursday in Rochester. Some tired driver finally logged in at 5:30 and he pounced, making it to his terminal just in time for boarding.

Today he’s 20. My tiny baby with feet like potstickers. 

And now I have to go buy a bunch of jeans, shirts, and underwear, because he didn’t pack any. His bag was full of electronics and Trader Joe’s candy. Youths.

Surgery

I’m still recovering from general anesthesia, which turns out to be a longer process than you feel like it should be. I’m mostly fine, so I tried to go back to work today, and it took me about 10 minutes to realize that a) being vertical is no good, because my legs are wobbly in a kind of unpredictable and exciting way where they just GIVE OUT,  and b) my short term memory is in the toilet, which means my reading comprehension is also in the toilet, which is no good for a librarian. I can read words, I just can’t connect them to anything for longer than a minute. Writing this is an adventure.

So I’m back home, winding a ball of yarn and watching cozy British murder mysteries that I can’t follow at all because I’ve forgotten who got killed halfway through. 

Surgery was fine. They dressed me in a plastic gown that made we sweat like a rotisserie chicken, and I told my doctor I would not apologize, because he was the one who decided that this was what he wanted to do with his life. After he left, my nurses all started talking about how handsome he was, and I said, “yeah, well, he came recommended anyway.”

In the recovery room, after I had come around and had a glass of water, the nurses talked freely with one another, banking on their patients having the memories of gold fish. But SURPRISE, terrible work stories are my special interest, and I just jettisoned all my other memories to make room for it.

What one of them said was this:

“I have to work another late shift. Last week I worked one of these shifts, and I got off in the middle of the night. I was driving home on the Pali, and the roads were empty, and I drove RIGHT ONTO the scene of a motorcycle crash. There was a MAN laid out in the middle of the road, and here I was, the first person to come along. And I was like… should I stop? YES, I stopped, don’t worry, I stopped. His friends were all just standing around, talking and looking at him. I didn’t really want to move him, but he was in the road, and he was moving, so I started assessing him. And this guy was MEAN. I said, “do you have a head injury?” And he was like ‘HOW WOULD I KNOW?’ I said, ‘Were you wearing a helmet?’ His friends looked around and found his helmet, which had a crack down the middle and had flown off him, so yeah, he had a head injury. I rolled him over, and he complained, and I was like, ‘I’m just checking you for road rash, settle down.’ And this guy, he had road rash from his lower back aaaall the way down his butt, his pants were pushed down, and pieces of his underwear were, like, embedded in the road rash. I asked his friends if they had called an ambulance and they said no, they had called a guy with a truck. A GUY WITH A TRUCK. I said I could call 911, and the guy was yelling, ‘nooo, hospitals are so expensive, I’m fine.’ His friends were more worried about how they’d get his bike home, like it was this big inconvenience that he’d crashed his motorcycle and now they didn’t know what to do with it. I’m sure alcohol was involved here, and that’s why they didn’t want to involve the police or paramedics. ‘WE CALLED A GUY WITH A TRUCK.’ Ridiculous.” 

I didn’t get to find out whether she called an ambulance anyway or let the dummies roll their buddy into a truck and take off, because the nurses had to wheel someone out of the room. 

Everything is ok for now. Going to pop a pain pill and take a nap. Thanks for thinking of me, folks.