Just some things

The prophesy is made

(Jotting this down for posterity/scrappy apocalyptic survivors who somehow figured out how to search internet archives.)

Walking back from the park, I hoisted Zenny up onto my shoulders. It was a sunny summer day, with a nice breeze, and she took a deep, happy breath, spread her arms out, and said, "Ahhh, soon this will aaaaall be Dead Land! All these people will die very soon."

What.

A few hours later, I casually brought it up again while we were sitting in the garden.

"So, what was that you were saying about Dead Land? And everyone dying?"

"Oh, not everyone," she said, picking cherry tomatoes and lining them up like supplicants around a big beefsteak tomato. Then she looked at me kind of hard and came over to pat my hair in a comforting manner. "It's okaaay, mom. It's juuuuuust a story. I don't want you to worry about the invisible children."

I think she is going to lead the vampire uprising, you guys.


A mystery is solved 

The preschool year has started. Yesterday morning I got up, showered, made oatmeal for me and the girl, put on the kettle, and went to lay out her school uniform. I spread the clothes on the coffee table while she ate; little blue shirt, little blue shorts, tiny underpants, fold-over white socks with bows on them. Satisfied, I sat down with my tea to check the twitters. Suddenly, there was a clattering stampede in the hallway, and Po the Nipple Cat came charging around the corner with all her legs windmilling. She scampered up onto the coffee table and frantically started dragging her butt across it with her front paws, heading right for the clean clothes. I did an amazing lunge-and-tackle across the ottoman and table, scooping her by the armpits and flinging her away just before her butt raked across the clean shirt. As she cartwheeled away through the air, a dingleberry flew off and rolled under the tv stand.

And that is how we solved the Mystery of Who Has Been Shitting on the Goddamn Coffee Table.



A discovery is made

It turns out chickens can get hiccups even though they don't have diaphragms. And they don't like it when you freak out and try to perform the Heimlich maneuver when it happens. COINCIDING DISCOVERY: when chickens are sick for a couple weeks, they don't grind their beaks down with pecking/scraping, and the pointy end grows out like a fork prong.