* 4th of July isn't really a thing over here. So there aren't rampant fireworks or jackasses firing guns in the air, but everyone still loves an excuse to drink and eat barbecue, so the meat sections of all the stores were respectably pillaged over the long weekend. We managed to get our hands on some cheddar brats and do our duty as good citizens by eating until we were remorseful.
* Husbandface learned why you don't let a 3 year old use a banana slicer. A BANANA SLICER. She still has all her fingers, but I combusted in flames.
The blades shoot up toward you when you squeeze it. It's awesome.
Except in the hands of a toddler. As if that needed to be said.
*Went bowling. Discovered the invention of baby ramps! Still got a score of 47. Mike performed his one-finger-spinning-strike trick, where he sends the ball arcing toward the gutter and then swooping over to smash all the pins like some kind of wizard in black-light-glowing shoes, and I forgave him for the banana slicer thing. Mostly.
* Water balloons - you know how kids spend an hour filling and dropping and tying tiny water balloons, only to bust them all in 30 seconds in a water fight? Well now for only $8, you can buy a nifty invention with a trypophobic's nightmare of straws, which fills all of them in just 60 seconds! So they can spend a total of 1.5 minutes playing with water balloons. Folks, just make the kids fill them by hand.
* Realized I could still afford to go to Maui to meet the relations if I only took one kid and spent the night camping in the no-cell-phone area of the wilderness. Also realized I was in the first chapter of a horror novel about a woman and child getting murdered while camping alone in the wilderness outside of cell range. Did not do that. But now I am feeling wistful about embarking on some impulsive travel adventure. Made pact that if my book gets picked up by an agent in the next 2 weeks, will fly to the Oregon Brewers Festival to celebrate. TIME IS TICKING, AGENTS. *thumping pint glass* Once that passes, I can make a pact to go to Rhinebeck in the fall. And when that doesn't happen, there is still the midwinter ALA conference in Atlanta. This can go on and on indefinitely, so it works out pretty well.
* While at the mall, I discovered myself thinking, oh, it is July. Maybe I will stroll by Hallmark and see the newly released ornaments. It used to infuriate me that Hallmark starts Christmas in July, but now I find myself spreading the holidays further and further between paychecks, and it's kind of nice to see what the new themes will be. We buy one new ornament a year, based on whatever big event warrants commemoration/infamy, so if there's an ornament I really like, there is still time to coordinate a terrible misadventure to earn it. And so I strolled over to the Hallmark store, and saw that the entire wall was covered in red curtains, with big signs announcing the GRAND REVEAL of the new ornaments in a week's time. For a moment I was actually annoyed, and in a horrifying moment of clarity I realized I had entered the demographics for Hallmark's target consumer: the lady in comfortable pants who browses holiday ornaments in July. Ran from mall screaming. (Mostly because I was chasing a 3 year old.) AGENTS. SAVE ME SO I CAN GO TO BEERFEST. The Hallmark store has the most adorable little beer stein ornament to go with it.
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