more produce portraiture

While the man bangs and grouts and saws in an attempt to finish the bathroom before his mom comes to visit, I've been  drawing fruit again.

This month, I endeavored to answer the question: will a diet comprised almost entirely of lychees result in weight loss? The answer: no. No, it won't. 

After canning lychees and preserving lychees in vodka and gin, I ran out of jars and resorted to an attempt to eat the entire tree. They are fat free! 6 calories each! Full of vitamin C! And I gained 8 fucking pounds in 2 weeks. Evidently I am also lucky not to have developed encephalopathy. Fruitarians really are bonkers, folks. SCIENCE.*

So now I'm off lychees and into yoga pants, jogging around the block and pissing off all the neurotic dogs in the neighborhood every evening. Down 2 lbs. 

But I can't stay mad at these things. They are just the best.

And now they are on my wall with General Kale and Tim Ginger. Also that poisonous mushroom my co-workers brought into the library, which I call "a Mushroom for Muu". The lychees had been uncreatively dubbed "Twig and Berries", but I think now I can call them "Encephalopachees".

That is kind of like home improvement.

*Not really. But plausibly.