Biting off more than I can chew

To make things more complicated, I bought a giant accordion-paged sketchbook and decided to paint the entire year and then submit it to the art show as an installation piece, along with a loop of videos documenting each week. That goddamn ceramic chain mail blanket was large and had a video to go along with it, so I am going to hitch my horse to that wagon and see if making a nuisance of myself gets some results. (Videos for the first two weeks are up on Instagram.)

I knew painting fireworks would not go well for me because it counts as a landscape, but it’s just the first page and nobody will be looking at it for long. Starts the year off in a recognizable way. 

I had more fun painting week 2; first post-holiday grocery shopping. I don’t cook whole fish, but I always walk by to look at them because they have nice colors.

Today I painted snail. There has been a lot of rain, and I pick them off the library sidewalk so people don’t step on them.

It is snowing in Baltimore, and I am ready for 5 days of professional development and crab cakes. The murder rate in Baltimore is #2 in the country, but probably most of those people aren’t getting murdered in seafood restaurants. It’ll be fine.

hit the ground running

I applied for another job. This time it's close to home, but with much better pay and responsibilities. If that doesn't work out, I have the LSAT practice book, and half a mind to go to law school (4 year online JD program through UH Manoa). I did a cold test and scored about 2/3 correct, and I'll take another after studying to see if I've improved enough to sit the exam in March.

Or I could just join a pickle ball team or something, I don't know. 

Next week I'm getting on a plane to Baltimore for a library conference. I bought a nice heavy coat and some insulated boots - and so of course it is 57 degrees and raining over there. Rats. I'm wearing the coat anyway, it makes me look like a chain-smoking private detective. I'm going for a look that says "please don't rob me and throw my body in the harbor".

Gavin flies back to college tomorrow. Yesterday we binged the new season of Our Flag Means Death with cats on our laps while I baked cookies. I'm going to miss him a lot.

New Year 2024

For months, the news has been posting articles about all the tons of illegal aerial fireworks that were being seized at the docks and from hiding spaces in garages - and then the island blew up exactly as usual. 34 tons of missing fireworks made no difference at all, which gives you some idea of how many fireworks are making it through inspections every year.

The neighbors did not accidentally blow up an aerial in our yard, and the chickens didn’t fall dead out of the tree, so it was a good year for us. The cats didn’t even bother hiding under the bed, they are battle-hardened. I fell asleep for a couple hours with a pillow over my head before being dragged outside at midnight.

On New Year’s Day, we grilled steaks, the kids played darts, and we made s'mores on the patio. 

Death by telescoping marshmallow stick

It felt like a perfect summer evening. Which is annoying for January, but still. Off to a good start.

2023 annual questionnaire

1. What did you do in 2023 that you’d never done before? I traveled all the way across the world with no phone, internet, or map to track down my family in a small town in Scotland, like I was a time traveler from the 80s (which I sort of am, I just came the long way). Learned to speak Gaelic (as well as a kindergartner, anyway). Did a zoom interview about library stuff on a local cable tv show and didn't embarrass myself too much.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions? No, I did not get fit. But I'm not less fit. 

I'm NOT

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No babies, no kittens, no chicks. We're in for it next year.

4. Did anyone die? Mr. Pickle Chips, the stray cat who adopted us. And I saw someone hit by a car, who died a few days later. My grandfather did NOT die, which annoyed his nurses enough that they took him off of hospice again. He's playing guitar and feeling pretty good.

5. What places did you visit? We went to castles and museums and underground tunnels and pubs, but the best place was the bakery with hot sausage rolls and square donuts filled with big blocks of custard.

6. What would you like to have in 2024 that you lacked in 2023? I'd like to see snow again. It's been about... wow, 14 years.

7. What moments from 2023 will remain etched upon your memory? This year left so many impressions, my brain feels like it was put in a waffle maker. Top on my mind: holding Zenny's hand in a tattoo shop while she got her ears pierced, Leif clunking around in a suit of armor, and walking through the woods in Scotland in the evening under a sky full of swallows and bats.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? International travel, after 6 years trying to get a passport as a not-quite-American. Also got two book contracts.They don't come with much pay, but it's an achievement anyway.

9. What was your biggest failure? Losing a juried art show to a big square of ceramic chain mail. Also I did not finish painting the house - just the parts visible from the road.

 

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I got Covid TWICE. And shingles. And I burned a quarter-sized circle of skin off my hand. Still have all my original parts, though.

 
11. What was the best thing you bought? A pint of elderflower cider.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Zenny, for winning $15,000 for her school with her friend. And my mother, for taking her turn caring for her dad for 3 weeks and not getting into a fist fight with Drunk Wife.

 
13. Whose behavior made you appalled? Drunk Wife. She kept taking grandpa's walker because it made being drunk and zooming around the house easier (she's my mother's age, she's not elderly), and then she crashed it in the garden and broke her leg. She's refusing to wear the brace because she can heal herself with reiki by waving her magic hands over it.

 

Also all the library moms who complained about lgbtq children's books. Get a better hobby.

 

14. What did you get excited about? I had a good job interview and very nearly upended all our lives. Didn't work out, but it was close.

15. What song will always remind you of 2023?  The "new" Beatles song, Now and Then.

 

 

Paul McCartney had help from AI to finish it, but I'll allow it.

 

16. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? Happier, but less satisfied. I want big things to happen.
b) thinner or fatter?  Thinner, a bit. 
c) richer or poorer? I got a raise that didn't keep up with inflation or car repairs, so poorer.

17. What do you wish you’d done more of? Refusing to leave Scotland.  

18. What was your favorite TV program? Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. Safe to watch with your kids, sticks to a lot of the original plot lines and running jokes. Also it has this scene:

 

 

Zenny loved it, so I showed her the original Star Trek series, and now she's hooked. We watch it in the evenings together.

And because I quit Twitter, I only just now figured out that there is a new season of Our Flag Means Death, so add that to my favorites, too. Even if they did kill off Guz Khan. At least it freed him up to make a new season of Man Like Mobeen.

19. What was the best book you read? Warrior Girl Unearthed by Angeline Boulley, and The Quarry Girls, by Jess Lourey. Also The Skull, by Jon Klassen, which is a really good kid's book. I read Project Hail Mary with Zenny at bedtime, and she liked it so much she took it away and finished it in one sitting. I read the new Stephen King book with my name on it, and the new Cormoran Strike book, and they were okay, but not top of the list.

 

20. What did you want and get? A family trip without anyone ending up in a hospital.
 

21. What did you want and NOT get? A library job in St. Andrews.

22. "So! How's your love life?"

23. What was your favorite film of this year? ...Barbie? It was fine - good enough that I finally forgive Ryan Gosling for being cast in the Project Hail Mary movie adaptation. 

 

 

Dr Grace on his way to the airlock to make best friends with a giant singing space spider

 

Other than that, the only movies we watched were the old Star Trek movies. We are more of a tv series kind of family.

 
24. Did you make some new friends this year? My new friend from last year moved away, so I’m back to where I started. I have been friendly with a stray cat behind the library, but it's kind of a one-sided relationship.

25. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Last year I wanted to punch someone in the face. This year I would have liked to push her mother off the Edinburgh castle.

26. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2023? "Jedi Librarian". I bought a bunch of wrap-around shirts with thick belts and baggy sleeves.

 
27. What kept you sane? I called the fire brigade on a seagull, come on. But my therapist did cure my PTSD with EMDR, and she said I'm "surprisingly well adjusted", so I feel like I deserve an award certificate. I've been jogging around the neighborhood at night again, too. Got weird about painting horses for a bit, that was nice.

28. Which celebrity/public figure were you into? I was into whatever main character was on whatever show I was watching, and immediately forgot them afterwards. 

 

29. What political/news issue stirred you the most?  Lahaina burned down and over a hundred people were killed. It's an ongoing environmental, economic, and housing disaster for the island.

 

Meanwhile, throughout the year I kept a list of headlines that somehow made it to the front page of national news. Here are just a few, I'll add the rest if I find my flash drive:

KHBS/KHOG: Hundreds of dead fish found dead

WJAR: Sisters bring their chicken ‘Brownie’ to bus stop each morning

WFSB: Bear heads right to the freezer of a Barkhamsted home, steals lasagna

KHOU: Trick-or-treater replenishes empty candy bowl

KCCI: Squirrel steals American flag from yard

 

30. Who did you miss?

31. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2023. Seeing the way my grandfather has gone from wasting away and about to drop dead to thriving and playing guitar again with good food, bathing/dressing assistance, and companionship has shown exactly how important caring for our aging loved ones is. Also I learned that “old person smell” is caused by 2-nonenal - a chemical change in your skin - and there are special soaps for that. 

Also learned that after decades of eating grapefruits you can suddenly become allergic to citrus peels and have your mouth swell up and itchy spots break out all over your body. GREAT.

Christmas 2023

 Christmas Eve

Got up at 5am and found my phone blowing up with messages in the family chat. A drunk had plowed through my grandpa’s fence, a tree, the steel walkway railing, and into the side of the house where my aunt was sleeping (she’s caring for him). There is a tree trunk embedded in the wall where her head would have been if they hadn’t moved the bed to the other side of the room not long ago. The drunk behind the wheel was lucky he was alive, lucky both my aunt and her husband are ER nurses, and lucky that my uncle didn’t finish the job for him. If the tree hadn’t slowed him down, he would have taken out my aunt.  

In our family, Christmas Eve is the big feast day. I prepare the biggest prime rib and lamb roasts I can find, cook up a pile of tiny potatoes and carrots, and the next day all the leftovers go into a massive meat pie with puff pastry. I baked the desserts in the morning, then drove up to feed baby Jesus. He came out when he saw me this time, instead of waiting for me to put the food down and leave, so we're making progress. 

My mother came up with Gavin in the afternoon, and the family played card games and drank cider while I finished cooking. The roasts turned out good enough that nobody cared when I unmolded the flan cake and it collapsed and ran everywhere. They ate the cooked part anyway. Call the rest eggnog. 

Oh no

We watched a Doctor Who Christmas special, and my mother slept over on the futon in Zenny's room.

It was a really nice day for everyone except the drunk guy sitting in jail waiting for the courts to open back up.

Christmas Day

The neighbor cats decided to have a big yowling fight in our driveway at 4:55am. I ran outside in my pajamas to chase them up the road and got back into bed just in time for all the kids (even the 21 year old) to come in to wake us up. I put on a sad pot of decaf.

You never know what the stand-out gifts are going to be. This year the most popular presents were a giant beanbag chair that folds out into a lounger, and a remote-controlled fart machine. Leif spent the day laying in the beanbag under a tortilla blanket, pushing Zenny off every time she tried to ooze onto it. He finally opened it up, climbed inside, and zipped it up to his neck. Zenny made fart noises every time he moved.

After breakfast my mother headed home to make Christmas dinner. I drove up to the library again, feeling a bit foolish and thinking about a video on Reddit of old ladies getting arrested for feeding stray cats. I figured if the guy living out of his car by the library can set garbage cans on fire and throw bricks through business windows without getting arrested, I should be okay feeding a cat. When I crouched down to dish up food, the skinny old cat came right to me and started eating before I was done scooping it out. He still looks really bad, but I can't see the individual bumps on his spine anymore.

Dinner was at my mother's place. I made a triple-layer mousse cake because my cousins won't eat fruit or nuts, and my younger aunt came over with the boys and her estranged husband, who only visits for Christmas. I said hi to him, and he ignored me and sat down. Maybe he's still mad about me calling him a hamster 25 years ago. Or maybe he found out he's banned from my house and that's why they're never invited for roast beef on Christmas Eve.

After the meat pie, we lit the plum pudding on fire, and I put the mousse cake down for the kids. My aunt's husband took a bite of the plum pudding and said it was terrible, and I did not kick his plate into his face. Made myself busy in the kitchen cleaning up the dinner dishes. When he was ready to go, he walked out without saying goodbye, and my aunt jumped up to get the boys, thanked my mom for dinner, and hurried after him. One of our better dinners with him, really.

We pulled it off for another year.

Staff party

Every day I drive past a field of goats on the way to work. Yesterday it was raining, and when I drove by the field it was empty. All the goats were standing on a big pile of rocks by the fence, trying not to get their feet wet in the grass. They were stacked up like a little castle made of legs and horns, it made me smile.

Our staff parties are very sad. We have a very small staff, two of them are diabetic, and one of them has recently decided to eat only meat because her daughter started the “Carnivore Diet”. I used to bake pies and bread pudding that nobody would eat, and now I just bring charcuterie meats and brie. One of our student helpers likes to bake from his D&D cookbook, so cheese helps to make sure his elf bread gets eaten up. Mostly by me. Fresh bread is my favorite food.

Everyone put their dishes out, and then our boss gathered us together like a staff meeting to do an “ice breaker”, which is where he quizzes us on work procedures and then hands out boxes of candy for correct answers. 

“What is the HSPLS vision statement?” he asked.

I took a breath and recited like a robot. “THE HAWAII STATE PUBLIC LIBRARY SYSTEM INSPIRES CURIOSITY AND PROVIDES OPPORTUNITIES FOR ALL TO READ, LEARN, AND CONNECT.”

“No, that’s the mission statement, what’s the vision statement?”

“I don’t know, it’s not printed on the cork coasters admin sent us to help us memorize the statement when we drink coffee.” 

He gave me the candy anyway, then asked the next person, “How do you turn off lights at the end of the day?” I’m a bar-lowerer.

As soon as he released us to eat, I put on a Christmas album to help us pretend it was a party, and we did the gift exchange. The price was set at $20. I brought a fancy Hallmark ornament of two mice on a cup of cocoa and labeled it “from the Library Mice” (we have an ongoing mouse problem), and our student helper seemed to really like it. I received a novelty mug filled with cocoa packets and a weird little craft kit that Zenny will like. Better than the year I got a used hair clip with hair still stuck in it (that employee has since retired).

The best gift was given by my carnivorous co-worker, who always gets practical items from Costco: two high-wattage electric lanterns with car charging ports and emergency flashers. Our other student helper was excited, “I can use them when I go night fishing with my dad! And signal for help if he drowns!” Just then the power went out, and we were sitting in the dark. “Or right now.”

We cleaned up the party and opened up to the public anyway. I spent the day pretending to type on the dead computer when people asked, “Can you check my account and see if I have fines?” and “Do you have any picture books that teach kids about hoarders?” 

Every year I joke about being brought up in a Catholic community where baby Jesus might show up in disguise on Christmas for a glass of whiskey to test whether you’re a good person. Well, this year baby Jesus is a skeletal stray cat that lives in the library air conditioning shed. It’s a little fenced area behind the library with loud, warm equipment and a dry overhang, which is safe from stray dogs and kids with rocks. I realized he was there about a week ago and started feeding him wet cat food every day. I even drive up on my days off to make sure he eats. He’s still painfully skinny, but he doesn’t look like he’s about to drop dead anymore. If I can get him to trust me I can grab him and help him, but in the meantime daily meals will have to do.

I’m off work until Tuesday, and ready to do this thing. It’s all cookie-making and pie-baking and meat-roasting from here on. (With trips up to the library with Fancy Feast.)

4 days left on the advent calendar

It has been rainy and cold all week, making it feel more like winter. I'm hoping the weather stays until New Year's Eve, to rain out the fireworks a little bit. Still a bit salty about my neighbors almost hitting my kid with an aerial rocket.

The kids weren't done shopping, so I took them to Pearlridge mall on Monday evening. The brothers split up from us before I could try to talk Gavin into riding the toddler Christmas train like he used to when he was little, so Zenny and I went looking for her class Secret Santa gift. Each kid was given a questionnaire to fill out that listed their likes/interests, and the girl Zenny was assigned to had just written "Spider-Man plushie" for every question, so that is what we tried to find. 

After an hour of looking, we finally found a Venom plushie. Close enough. We met the boys in the food court for dinner and walked around looking at the options until a lady at L&L waved toothpick samples of mochiko chicken at us. The kids like fried chicken, so we ordered a couple of mini plates and then watched the woman scoop the entire tray of chicken onto them and squeeze the lids shut. It was the end of the day and she was not interested in dealing with leftovers. Fine with me.  

It's really great having all my kids together again. I feel ready to make this holiday happen.

21

 Gavin is officially grown up.

His final exam schedule meant he couldn't be home before his birthday, and he had to pack his campus apartment into storage for winter break, so he turned 21 on the floor of his empty room before catching a Lyft to the airport at 3:30am. 

He’s home now. I love this guy so much. He’s finishing his third year at Rochester Institute of Technology in computer engineering, and he’s just such a good person. Still kind, still funny, still loves cats. And now he’s one year younger than I was when I got pregnant with him. Really weird.

Happy birthday, baby boy.

Holidays are hard for a lot of people

Library patrons have been extra weird this week. A woman came in and started crying, claiming she had been raped and left 6 miles away and had walked all the way to the library. That is serious, so I started asking questions. When did this happen? 3 months ago. Do you need an ambulance? No. Police? No, the police are rapists. Number for a shelter? No, they don't take dogs. Number for a social worker? No. Family I can call? No, they're all CRAZY. After rejecting every offer of help, she ran out screaming and crying, "I can't even get help AT THE LIBRARY!" I don’t know how I could have handled that differently. I tried. From what she was yelling, I think what she really wanted was a free ride across the island. Not in my car, lady.

Today a guy came in and got really pissed off about being asked for ID in order to get a library card, yelling about my coworker being a cop and doing background checks on him until I came out and told him to calm down or leave. He slammed his ID down and walked out, then came back in completely calm. Scary calm. Better than coming back in with a gun, though.

As soon as that guy was settled and reading a book, somebody drove by the library blaring their car horn. And then another, and another. They turned in at the driveway, and three cars had a horn-honking road-rage chase around the parking lot. I stood up on a chair to watch out the window. A big truck that was parked at the liquor store tried reversing into the road to block them, but they got through and chased each other out the back exit. A mom with two kids came in and saw me looking out the window. "They've been fighting all the way from Haleiwa, I was right behind them," she said.  None of them stopped and got out to confront each other, probably because they know someone could get shot, so what’s the plan there? How did they see that ending? Drive around honking until they’re all friends?

What a waste of time and energy. 

Zenny wins big

Zenny’s teacher called me a few days ago to tell me that Zenny and her friend had won a prize for their group project, to be presented at the Winter Bazaar. She asked if we could come cheer for her, and not tell her she’d won so it would be a surprise. It turned out to be a surprise for everyone.

On the morning of the assembly I walked over to the school from the library with my camera, Mike drove up with a couple of leis, and we joined the crowd of people at the school fair. It filled up the big outdoor assembly area, with bake sales and craft booths and loud music. The younger classes took turns doing dance numbers on the stage. All the 5th graders were manning their project tables, selling homemade jewelry and banana bread, and the girls already had a long line for their little face painting business. The students had to design a business plan for the statewide KeikiCo contest, run by the local bank, and Zenny and her friend Kendall had gone with “ZenKen’s all-natural face painting”, with a cute book of designs for people to choose from, and 50% of proceeds going to the Hawaiian Humane Society. 

The girls were painting as fast as they could, with at least 20 people waiting at $3-$5 a pop. The bank executive came by to meet us - along with Kendall’s parents and their teacher - and asked us all to help the girls up to the stage when they made the announcement, in case they were too busy to hear. Her assistant was carrying a big piece of plastic that looked like a novelty check, and that was my first clue that this wasn’t just a school project they were getting a certificate for.

Everyone stopped to listen when the bank executive got up to make her presentation. When their names were called, the girls were shocked, their mouths dropped open like cartoon characters, and then they grabbed each other’s hands and ran up to the stage. We all chased after them with leis. 

The prize was $15,000 for their school. FIFTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. Their class will get some say in how some of that money is spent, and their booth made over $100, which they put in their class pot for an end-of-year party (with 50 percent going to the Humane Society). Their teacher bought ice cream and soda out of her own pocket for their class to celebrate.

It was a big week for Zenny, and I am so proud. 

(Everyone pictured gave permission to be posted)