Staff party

Every day I drive past a field of goats on the way to work. Yesterday it was raining, and when I drove by the field it was empty. All the goats were standing on a big pile of rocks by the fence, trying not to get their feet wet in the grass. They were stacked up like a little castle made of legs and horns, it made me smile.

Our staff parties are very sad. We have a very small staff, two of them are diabetic, and one of them has recently decided to eat only meat because her daughter started the “Carnivore Diet”. I used to bake pies and bread pudding that nobody would eat, and now I just bring charcuterie meats and brie. One of our student helpers likes to bake from his D&D cookbook, so cheese helps to make sure his elf bread gets eaten up. Mostly by me. Fresh bread is my favorite food.

Everyone put their dishes out, and then our boss gathered us together like a staff meeting to do an “ice breaker”, which is where he quizzes us on work procedures and then hands out boxes of candy for correct answers. 

“What is the HSPLS vision statement?” he asked.

I took a breath and recited like a robot. “THE HAWAII STATE PUBLIC LIBRARY SYSTEM INSPIRES CURIOSITY AND PROVIDES OPPORTUNITIES FOR ALL TO READ, LEARN, AND CONNECT.”

“No, that’s the mission statement, what’s the vision statement?”

“I don’t know, it’s not printed on the cork coasters admin sent us to help us memorize the statement when we drink coffee.” 

He gave me the candy anyway, then asked the next person, “How do you turn off lights at the end of the day?” I’m a bar-lowerer.

As soon as he released us to eat, I put on a Christmas album to help us pretend it was a party, and we did the gift exchange. The price was set at $20. I brought a fancy Hallmark ornament of two mice on a cup of cocoa and labeled it “from the Library Mice” (we have an ongoing mouse problem), and our student helper seemed to really like it. I received a novelty mug filled with cocoa packets and a weird little craft kit that Zenny will like. Better than the year I got a used hair clip with hair still stuck in it (that employee has since retired).

The best gift was given by my carnivorous co-worker, who always gets practical items from Costco: two high-wattage electric lanterns with car charging ports and emergency flashers. Our other student helper was excited, “I can use them when I go night fishing with my dad! And signal for help if he drowns!” Just then the power went out, and we were sitting in the dark. “Or right now.”

We cleaned up the party and opened up to the public anyway. I spent the day pretending to type on the dead computer when people asked, “Can you check my account and see if I have fines?” and “Do you have any picture books that teach kids about hoarders?” 

Every year I joke about being brought up in a Catholic community where baby Jesus might show up in disguise on Christmas for a glass of whiskey to test whether you’re a good person. Well, this year baby Jesus is a skeletal stray cat that lives in the library air conditioning shed. It’s a little fenced area behind the library with loud, warm equipment and a dry overhang, which is safe from stray dogs and kids with rocks. I realized he was there about a week ago and started feeding him wet cat food every day. I even drive up on my days off to make sure he eats. He’s still painfully skinny, but he doesn’t look like he’s about to drop dead anymore. If I can get him to trust me I can grab him and help him, but in the meantime daily meals will have to do.

I’m off work until Tuesday, and ready to do this thing. It’s all cookie-making and pie-baking and meat-roasting from here on. (With trips up to the library with Fancy Feast.)