Spartan Race 2022

My resolution to be aggressively supportive with the fitness stuff came to a head this Sunday, when I became the water/snacks/supplies pack horse at the Spartan Race, where Mike and Zenny were both competing.

From Kualoa Ranch, we boarded a fleet of trolleys shutting athletes up the valley to a city of tents filled with thumping music and vendors selling fruit, shave ice, baked potatoes, and turkey legs. The activity kiosks had chin up bars, rope climbing, and a deadlift challenge, just to try for fun between heats of the race. The man standing next to us at the kids’ race was proud to point out that #2 on the deadlift leaderboard was his 52 year-old mother, out-lifting a pack of marines. Right on.

Kualoa Ranch, Ka’a’awa

Steady roll of trolleys kept people from having to wait, well planned

Sports nerd city

 

The adult registration packet came with a warning of imminent death. (They try not to kill the children.)

Zenny had been practicing 1-mile running, crawling, and net climbing at the park, but we should have added jumping neighbors’ fences and dragging abandoned tires to that routine. She hit all the obstacles with no experience - javelins, sandbags, rope pulling - and got through them really well.

It was this moment I remembered she had surgery only 3 months ago and panicked a little bit

Drag the tire up the hill, roll it back down 

Jump the thing 

She did not like this one because the net moved around while the other kids climbed 

Afterwards I dumped a shave ice down her, and as she cooled down she said she wanted to do it again next year, but with strength training. Who’s child is this? I was just there for the potatoes.

proud dad

The potatoes were $20, but the girl was body-hungry and my snacks weren’t doing the job. Damned if it wasn’t the best fire-roasted potato we had ever tasted in our entire lives. She ate up every scrap of the crispy skin.

Looks terrible, tastes like heaven

Mike did the 10k with obstacles in 2 hours and 10 minutes, coming in 14th out of 142 for his group. One guy’s knee popped off, and he needed to be airlifted off the mountain to the ambulance (they had several standing ready). I did not know knees could actually do that. Use your knee tape, folks.

Shots by the official event photographers 

 

Cramp!

Fall off an obstacle and you have to do 30 burpees (worst kind of push-ups, should be illegal)

What garbage cans look like at a sports event

Post-race, about 45 seconds before his legs stopped working and dumped him on his ass

They've already signed up for next year. Better start putting money in the potato fund.

For my part, I finished the 6 week beginner program on Centr with weights/cardio, and just started the 6 week intermediate program. Stepped on the scale to check on my progress, and I have lost ZERO POUNDS. Goddamn it. But that is not to say there have been no results - arms and waist are smoothing out, and my butt is looking better after a million squats. I am rewarding myself for finishing the first program by buying those scrunchy workout pants that go up your crack and make it look like your butt cheeks are flapping free in the wind. Over the next 6 weeks they can go from comedy pants to TRIUMPHANT pants. And if that doesn't work out, I can threaten to wear them to parent/teacher conferences if my kids get bad grades.

 

 

Kitten tax!