* grabbed a door handle covered in blood
* saw someone blow their nose into a book and didn’t catch him before he hid it, because I was cleaning blood
* hunted for snot book and found 9 additional hidden books
* and a nest of candy wrappers
* called the police because someone offered to kidnap a kid in front of the library. “Hey kid, you wanna get some ice cream in my white van?” There really is a creep in a white van who has been trying to snatch kids all over the island for the last 6 months, almost succeeding twice, but this guy just looked like a sarcastic drug addict - still, fuck you, buddy, you can’t approach kids and threaten them at my library
* except he totally got away
* gave a picture of the guy (which I shamelessly snapped while he was horking down a gas station ice cream cup on the library stairs) to Officer Youthful-Altruism and Officer Seen-Some-Shit. The older of the two stalked off to hunt the guy in his car, unironically using the term “stranger danger”. I thought that was just a cute term to use with kids, but I guess if you use a thing enough it becomes not cute. They are so tired of this white van guy. Last week the police chased him across my mom’s school campus and he got away AGAIN. Whoever he is, he’s got a good cardiovascular system.
* spent some time looking into a career change, but could not find openings for... I don’t know, Coroner's Office document archivist? Evidence cataloging? There has to be something a library degree is good for that is more interesting than helping people click the ‘print’ button, wiping up nosebleeds, and reporting people not getting kidnapped.
* did outreach at the Menehune Surf Contest. Got a free lunch. Considered that maybe this is a good gig after all.
If you like that kind of thing
* Gavin slept over at a friend's house, and I'd never met the kid's parents, so I gave the boy all kinds of tips on how to escape if they start getting drunk and shooting bottles or dealing meth out of the garage or trying to poach wild boars at 2am. Gavin texted me three hours later saying, "Wow, they have a three-story house by the beach. His dad is a wine broker." What is a wine broker? You're on your own, kid, that is outside my area of experience. Call me if his auntie shows up with wine coolers and challenges you to throw darts at each other.
I'm going to paint tomorrow. I have to.
Please paint.
ReplyDeleteHow can you blow your nose in a book? I can't even imagine. Sneeze in it maybe and that's gross enough. But blow your nose?
ReplyDeleteJulia
It was artful. He leaned over the book, blew his nose fully into his cupped fingers, and wiped his fingers into the book. Then he hid the book and ran for it before I could throw the bloody wipe away and hoof it across the library. He has not been back.
ReplyDeleteEEWW
ReplyDelete