sit down and eat some tarts

I am throwing social media out the window - or throwing myself out the window away from it - because it's absolutely flooded with propaganda and false news right now, and I don't have the patience or cardiovascular fortitude to pan through it all. I can do a shitty job of following the news and coming to horrible conclusions JUST FINE ON MY OWN, thanks. (I mean, I think I actually do a pretty good job at it, as a professional researcher-type, but rule #2 is "don't believe everything you think".*)

That is not to say I'm grabbing my towel and thumbing a ride out of here. Should an authoritarian regime ever come to collect, I already have a spot against the wall labeled with my name just by virtue of upholding the ALA Bill of Rights. Librarians watch the edges, dig our heels in, and link arms to hold the line and defend intellectual freedom. This is a job that is mostly complaints about library fines and questions about where the toilets are, punctuated by violent opposition to content, and that is what we are here for. We are the quiet, sturdy picket fence of liberty. The problem is that we are also flammable. When the library fires start, that will be a very good time to panic.

In the meantime, at the end of your conflict-riddled day, sit down and read some Pratchett. You can get an armload of his novels at your library. Here's a bit that has been coming back to me this week:

“There is a very interesting debate raging at the moment about the nature of sin, for example,” said Oats.

“And what do they think? Against it, are they?” said Granny Weatherwax.

“It’s not as simple as that. It’s not a black and white issue. There are so many shades of gray.”

“Nope.”

“Pardon?”

“There’s no grays, only white that’s got grubby. I’m surprised you don’t know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That’s what sin is.”

“It’s a lot more complicated than that—”

“No. It ain’t. When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they’re getting worried that they won’t like the truth. People as things, that’s where it starts.”

“Oh, I’m sure there are worse crimes—”

“But they starts with thinking about people as things.”

Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum


And while you're reading, scarf down some tarts. You already have all the things in your pantry, go dig them out and make them right now. Feeding people doesn't solve all their problems, but it solves the ones that involve feeling freaked out and hungry. You can calm down and think and make plans if someone puts a hot drink and a homemade pastry in your lap.

This recipe is from a British cookbook, so I've modified the measurements here and halved it because I use a toaster oven for almost everything. Also I don't have a food processor, so it's your basic messy hand-mixed pastry. It's good for you, just do it.

"We do right, we don't do nice" Mini Lemon Tarts

1/2 cup flour

3 tbs powdered sugar

1/3 stick of cold butter, cut up into bits

1 egg yolk (reserve the whites)

1 can of whatever old pie filling you have lurking at the back of your cupboard. Or pudding. Or jam. Or nutella. I used lemon pie filling in an old rusty can and it did not kill me.

Stir together flour and sugar. Add bits of butter and smoosh them into the flour with your hands until it's mealy and lumpy and crumbly. Add the egg yolk, mix with a fork until it comes together into a dough. Turn it out onto a floured cutting board and pat it out into a nice flat lump. Put it in the fridge to chill for an hour. Make a pot of tea and STAY OFF THE FUCKING INTERNET while you wait.

Preheat oven to 350. Roll out chilled dough to however thick you like pie crust. Punch circles out of it with a small glass or maybe a proper biscuit cutter, if you're showing off. Press the circles into a mini muffin tin. Pop it in the oven. Wish you had pie weights. Do not improvise pie weights out of nails and screws you found in the junk drawer, you will get tetanus or something. When the tart shells are golden brown (10 min or so), take them out and cool them on a rack for a couple minutes. 

Find some filling. Dollop filling into each shell. Take your reserved egg white and beat it on high with a teaspoon of sugar until it comes to soft peaks. Don't overbeat them and forget to add sugar, as pictured below. Pop them back in the oven for 10 min, until golden and toasty. Refresh the pot of tea. Make it decaf, because it's been that kind of week.

Eat the tarts. Read the books. Contemplate taking up photo journalism or activist graffiti or subversive zines. 

The library has photocopiers and how-to manuals.

5 ingredients that are probably already in the cupboard

Here in Hawaii you've got to whip through this step and get it into the fridge 

before it wilts and dies and leaves you with dough mittens.

QUICK GET THEM UP BEFORE THEY MELT TO THE BOARD

Love this cookbook. It has breakfast cocktails, you guys. It's my holiday handbook.

*Rule #1 is "Says who?"