Library mobs

Proof that our library gets some action!

BOE council member calls the State Librarian a knucklehead:



I really wanted to run up to the top of the building and take a shot of the parking lot, but I figured I maybe didn't want to get my heels pegged in the roof and have 300 people watch my body hurtle down past the windows.

Went home and fell asleep fully dressed at 7:45pm. It was a long day.

Today we ended summer reading with a guest performer, Bobby Norfolk. To kill some time pre-show and allow stragglers to get in, I warmed up the kids by playing a CD of The Wiggles and leading a round of "Shake your sillies out". They all shook and nodded and jumped - except for one kid in the middle, who had his face buried in his hands in embarrassment for me.

Bobby goes all Gunnywolf on their asses:



Bobby and the kids:



Bobby chats up Weird Al, who read Mad Magazine through the performance:



I think Mike wanted me to come home with Al in my trunk. He's doing his workout again (Mike, not Al). The video hunk says: "Tip of the day: don't smash your face." This is the kind of wisdom I can subscribe to.

Want vs. Need

Gossip: the downstairs chain-smoking donkey-sex synthesizer-playing neighbors have been evicted! After being 3 months behind on rent and mooching food, smokes, and miscellaneous supplies from our epileptic surfer neighbor, the wife showed up at the landlord's house at midnight, drunk and high on Oxycontin, and he called the cops because she was "slobbering all over and I didn't know what the fuck". He told them to be out by July 1st, and they abandoned all their possessions and disappeared. They were discovered a week later, squatting in a bed & breakfast where the wife had been hired to change the sheets. And they had broken the B&B's generator. Cops were called again to throw them off the premises. They did not return here, and three days later the cops were called again to evict them from an illegal druggie communal living nest in Kipahulu. Then they lived in their car for a bit, reportedly leaving their kitten in the Buick during the days. Then, I guess when they ran out of floors to sleep on, they came back here and settled in like nothing had happened. The landlord marched over and asked them when they were getting their stuff out, to which they replied, "Oh, like, we have until next Wednesday, so we're cool." Landlord got really mad and waved their eviction notice and said he was calling the cops if they weren't gone by Sunday. That is why I am letting the baby bang on the floor with cat food bowls at 6am. Very excited about dragging the patio chairs out to the front of the house to watch the cops haul them away tomorrow.

And god help them if I ever see their car in town and find their kitten locked in it. I know they can't afford garbage bags to cover a busted window.


Laundry and materialism

One of Mike's jobs as stay-at-home-dad is to do the laundry. So yesterday, after I determined that I would be wearing a cashmere sweater, jogging shorts, maternity panty hose, a thong, and a black lace water bra to work on Monday, we stuffed the car with 3-months' worth of dirty clothes and took over the entire front half of the laundromat to do them in one shot. I got to see a skinny old shirtless man with chest hair that grew in stripes, and a man walking around with his hand jammed down his pants to hold his penis. We walked to the fabric store and discovered that they had set up a giant long-arm quilting machine for people to play with. It was like driving a machine gun. I loved it. Even Mike had to be pried off it by the saleslady. "It has lasers," he whispered as we were leaving.

"We need that machine," I told him as we folded laundry.
"Yeah, but it costs a fourth of what I earn in a year."
"Not if we quit our jobs and become world-famous quilters."
"Yeah! Then it would cost more than what we'd earn in a year."
Well, shit.

Following all this, we went to Costco and I tried out a Canon Rebel digital camera.

Have not felt such a tantrum-provoking surge of greed since I was refused the Optimus Prime action figure when I was 7. Must make it up to my childhood self by finding $900 and buying the camera. My sons need me to properly document their childhoods. 

I'm going to get that camera.