total cost of endorphins?

This week: got another job rejection, and Mike's dad was diagnosed with cancer.

Well. We will just make our own good things happen, then. I drew a few outlines of Zenny's costume - silky underdress, poofy tulle skirt, fancy waistcoat, vampire cape - and she colored them in until she found a color scheme she liked. We went to the big fabric store and pawed through the stacks of giant rolls, pulling them out like jenga blocks and piling them up against Leif while he stood scrolling on tiktok. We found a glittery black tulle that got sparkles everywhere, and a tired employee followed us around with a feather duster. Total fabric costs for outfitting a very short vampire: $58.86. 

My sewing machine is 15 years old and roaches keep trying to use it as a party house. It doesn't work half the time, and works very badly the other half. Also my cat, Billy, broke my tabletop ironing board by sleeping on it until it collapsed. So when my illustrator's royalty check arrived in the mail, I immediately spent part of it on a new sewing machine and ironing board. If you're going to do a thing, you should have the right tools. Especially if you're teaching a beginner. Total cost for a decent machine with a roach-resistant case and an ironing board sturdy enough to hold a large cat: $260.14. 

We have not even started making the costume yet. 

 

I knew. I said I knew, and I knew. But we are following through, and it will be memorable, one way or another.

 

Dept of good things:

Droopy the Mysteriously Balding Cat has grown back most of the fur on his butt over the past month. (I switched him back to his regular food and started dosing him with vitamin treats and a daily hit of catnip. Take your $70/case hypoallergenic food and stuff it, vet, my boy has anxiety.)

His little drumsticks don’t look like raw chicken anymore

For comparison, here he is a month ago, on the first day of catnip:

Also the wooden fence across the back yard is finished, so we don't have to see the neighbor's chicken coops and grow lights anymore. And, more importantly, they can't see us. I am someone who runs outside in my underpants to get laundry out of the dryer, so NO MORE FREE SHOWS, neighbors.

This weekend: cats vs. pattern cutting.

negative

Got a rejection email from the dream job, and had to go back to work. Felt mutinous. Also felt kind of sick. Went home after 3 hours and fell asleep in my work clothes.

Tried again the next day, powered by Diet Coke and Sudafed. Got a call from my dentist saying my root canal was denied by my insurance because, I guess, having an infected abscess in your jaw vent out through your gums is not enough reason to get a root canal. So now I have to go in and get more x-rays to prove my tooth was fucked up enough for them to pay for. Went home and fell asleep again.

I need to start collecting some wins, because this is getting stupid. Feeling reckless, I ordered a pattern to sew my kid’s Halloween costume. I know better, but I’m DOING IT ANYWAY. And we’re going to decorate. And make pies. And go on the spooky train. Grab the season by the throat and shake some happiness out of it, I always say. And since the season already has me by the throat, this is self defense.

Just as soon as I can get off this couch for more than 3 hours at a time.

Report from the bedroom

Honestly, I love being locked in a room with a television and all my paints and a bottomless mug of decaf.

I also love having the bed to myself, and spreading out like a starfish to sleep. Which is not happening right now because the cats broke into the room and they’re acting like they’ve never been in here before.

I have been watching Dead Loch on Prime with the descriptive audio settings turned on (game changer), and painting a landscape. And then getting mad and wiping it all out because I HATE PAINTING LANDSCAPES. I am done trying to better myself as a painter. Nobody has to be good at everything. There’s a guy on Instagram who only paints trout, and a lady who only paints crumpled wax paper. I will save up some money and buy a landscape from someone who likes doing it, instead. 

Still kind of sick, but so far I haven’t sent any embarrassing emails while high on Sudafed, so I’m winning.

Maybe maybe maybe not

The universe is telling me something. 

Applied for a job, my car needed $3,000 worth of repairs.

Applied for another job, needed a root canal and crown. 

Applied for a job, got two more book deals that will keep me busy through next year. 

Applied for a job, got Covid.

Now I am locked in the bedroom. At least I have time to work on illustrations and force myself to paint a landscape.

How did you get Covid? Well, we lost a staff member (moved for military spouse, she’s not dead or anything), so I’m back at the front desk full-time, getting sneezed on by everyone. Also, there were 62 people at storytime this week, with screaming and rampaging and injuries and stolen toys and crying. When I brought out the bin of shakey eggs they tried to climb me like the zombies in World War Z.

So, you know, I have my theories.

Legs

I have been painting legs and learning Scottish Gaelic with Zenny on Duolingo. I can now stick my head into her room in the morning and say, "Good morning! How are you today?" and she can cover her face with a pillow and yell back, "BAD, GOODBYE". We're making progress. 

In the spirit of taking charge of my career and enhancing my resume, I joined the American Library Association and became a member of the Intellectual Freedom Round Table. If I'm going to get yelled at about gay unicorns I should at least put it to work.

Also, I signed up for Linkedin again.

I'm manifesting something over here. It might just be paperwork and embarrassment, though.