Oh, hey, that looks alri-
#@%!?
HOLIDAY SPIRIT SURGING.
This is the holiday spirit that runs people down for spots in mall parking lots and throttles old ladies over 75% off snuggies.
My mother shoved a box of lights in my hand and told me to get festive, so I hung them over the window just in time for the winter rain to arrive. Suddenly we are huddling under couch blankets with tea and breaking into choruses of Silent Night and watching crap holiday specials on youtube.
And furtively reading Dean Koontz novels
It's working, folks. I had feelings.
In other news:
Went to storytime workshop and am now MASTER OF COLORED SCARVES. And I learned these action rhymes, which my kid will not let me stop doing. Will need both knees replaced by the end of the week:
Then when you can't take it anymore, you sit down and distract them with this one:
Bonus: counts as exercise. Go get a mini snickers bar out of the secret pilfered Halloween stash.
In other news:
Went to storytime workshop and am now MASTER OF COLORED SCARVES. And I learned these action rhymes, which my kid will not let me stop doing. Will need both knees replaced by the end of the week:
I'm popcorn in a pan (crouch down)
Don't forget the top (pretend to put a lid on your head)
Soon I'll start to sizzle... (sizzle sizzle sizzle with your wiggly bum)
And then... I'll... POP! (JUMP UP OH MY GOD MY KNEES)
Then when you can't take it anymore, you sit down and distract them with this one:
Pour the popcorn in the pan (rock your kid back and forth on your lap)
Shake it up, shake it up! (jostle poor helpless child)
BAM BAM BAM (bop up and down mercilessly)
Bonus: counts as exercise. Go get a mini snickers bar out of the secret pilfered Halloween stash.
Oh dear, what happened to your ball?! Is it bad that I am laughing? (Only due to feeling of recognition.) The front looks great, so who need ever know about any other sections? We have new small cat intent on destroying the planet, so have decided against Christmas tree (not only would she knock it down, she'd probably EAT it) which makes me sad so I have decided to knit miles of I-cord from which I will suspend all the decorations that would have gone on the tree. It could work! In the meantime, traditional Christmas Eve dinner of cracked crab prob off because local crabs are full of neurotoxin domoic acid. Festive!
ReplyDeleteHow are Internet cat videos going to be made if nobody gives kittens Christmas trees? Plastic ornaments and a camera, SO FESTIVE! But we live in the land of plastic trees, so maybe it's different with slopping tree water and needles falling in sheets.
ReplyDeleteWhat were the crabs drinking? Holy shit.