Went home and made stuffed potatoes. Stirred potato on plate and threw it out. Went with family to dance practice at Windward Community College as night fell. Mom complained that I don't make enough time for her. The kids rolled down the slope of hill while I sat on the wall at the top under the banyan tree. Gavin's blinky shoes made him look like a firefly way down there with my wee cousin. My aunt told me her house finally sold, then dropped a towel around my shivering shoulders as she went back in to dance. I was just sitting and thinking and my eyes got all blurry and hot so I wiped them on the borrowed towel. Gavin and Chris ran up and laid dandelions next to me, then tumbled down the hill again in the wet grass. I clutched the towel around me and laid down on the stone wall, watching the stars between the branches of the banyan tree, looking for UFOs. Only saw the universe.
Was supposed to wake up Mike at 3:45am to go to news station for a highland performance. Woke up at 2:30am to watch Gavin breathe, sleepily convinced he was swallowing too much and was about to vomit in his sleep (paranoid because Chris had stomach flu), fell back asleep and had bad dreams about being useless (unable to keep book from being destroyed), woke up tear-stained and puffy-eyed at 5am to mother exclaiming about the time. Mike leaped up, pulled on pants, kissed me, and drove away on his motorcycle in 7 minutes. Went into the bathroom and stood staring stupidly at the scale for a bit. Washed face, put on dress, ate cereal, sat for half an hour with mom listening to her explain how I never sit with her. I love her. I want more time with her. I want more time alone. I want more time with Gavin. I want more. A lot more.
edit: and I think I am getting sick. Need nap, can't have one. Wah.
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