And I still don’t have a beard

I would look good with a beard. The older I get, the more I look like Benjamin Franklin. I am the “after” picture of a sad man who has shaved his beard off after 20 years and discovered his own jawline. My father can’t grow much of a beard, so I probably would have just looked like a patchy, hungover Benjamin Franklin anyway, but I still think it isn’t fair that I don’t get the chance to try. Well, hope springs eternal.

The weekend was full of learning and discovery, mostly in a way that cost me money and fucked up my carpal tunnel syndrome.

I learned how to replace a broken toilet button with a toilet handle, which led to me discovering that the flap doesn’t seal. In replacing the flap, I discovered that toilet floats can go bad. While trying to replace the toilet float, I discovered a wine cork shoved between the refill device and the wall of the tank. When I discovered the cost of replacing the entire refill/flap/float apparatus, I decided to just leave the cork where it was until payday.

All the door locks arrived in the mail, and I learned why you shouldn’t take off an old door knob, slide in the new latch bolt, and then close the door to see if it locks before you actually have the handles installed. 

I say “learned”, but I did it three doors in a row.

On the last door (the studio door, OF COURSE), I discovered that Himself decided to shove a doorknob into a hole that wasn’t lined up properly and then forced it into place at an angle and stripped the screw. Then I learned how much screw extractor drill bits cost. And how to fuck up a screw so badly with extractor bits (despite dutifully following demos on YouTube) that you finally just drill the head off it completely, yank off the doorknob cover, and finish unscrewing the damn thing with pliers. I learned that artful high-volume profanity is a byproduct of screw extraction, but not beard growth.

The house is secure, and the doors look nice. I even programmed a fingerprint lock and only got myself shut outside without a coat on twice. 

Also this weekend: replaced the window and door gaskets in the wood stove, assembled two bed frames, and put together two dressers. The house is looking more like a home, and I am proud of myself, even though I can’t feel my right hand, my armpit and elbow are buzzing in a way I swear I can hear, and my fingers look like I fed them to a beaver. You know how pliers have a sharp wire-cutter in the crotch of their handle? You can actually use those to pinch part of your index finger off if you try to use the pliers as a wrench and lose your grip while pulling on them. Also, box cutters don’t make good chisels. Look, I am broke, OKAY? This is why pirates have peg legs instead of orthopedic surgery, you just do the best with what you’ve got. I have plenty of fingers left. And anyway, I’m done installing doorknobs. All I have to do now is learn to cut a 2x4 to fix the studio door frame. If people can escape prison with a spoon, I can cut a piece of wood with whatever is in the garden shed.

I figured out how to enable photos again. 

DIY home biopsy skills

The ravens have figured out how to shell peanuts, and they cuss if I’m late putting them out.

(ravens = big guys with fat beaks, wedged-v tails, and smoker’s voices, crows = dainty guys with sleek beaks, rounded tails, and radio-announcer voices who loiter around until the ravens leave)

Ocean vanished into the snow

Oh yeah, before nearly sliding backwards off a cliff, we rescued a duck. 

He went back home after his legs thawed out.

Starting to look like a bedroom in here!

I am taking a break from home repairs/mishaps and just resting my hand for the rest of the week so I can paint again. Knitting seems to be ok, since it’s low-impact (also typing, evidently), so I frogged the bear-yoke sweater I was mangling and started over with something more classic. 

Aftonsol (or on Ravelry)

Maybe the beard will come with it.