Take your mark. Get set.

 “The holidays can be hard when you’re navigating a difficult change, because they’re often good,” my therapist said. “You’ve been dealing with these problems and feelings for a long time, and now you have tradition, family, happiness. But the holidays pass, and the issues are still there. You can let yourself enjoy this time, though. Be happy that everyone is together, and remember that you will have holidays every year, and people love you.”

Zenny slammed the bedroom door open at 5:04am and yelled “I LET YOU SLEEP IN 4 MINUTES EXTRA!” Mike’s entire body leaped a few inches off the bed like a salmon. My mother was in the kitchen, heating the kettle and fruitlessly trying to find coffee for my old pour-over coffee dripper - exposing herself as a lying liar who LIED about switching to decaf. I dug out my emotional support chai and made her a big strong cup while the kids upended their stockings and woke up the neighbors. I don’t care, if the neighbors can let their kids scream until 1:30am because it is a holiday, we can let ours scream at 5:04am for the same reason. Although if I’m honest, it was mostly my mother screaming, because I am maybe a bit too good at making industrial-strength tea.

NEW MOTORCYCLE GLOVES!

I had warned the adults of the family that I was kind of dropping the ball this year, what with all the repatriation paperwork and real estate negotiation and emotional crash-outs, so they rallied and made sure the kids had the fun stuff. Zenny tossed the insulated gloves and boots I bought her over her shoulder and tore into all the games and books. Leif got a discman and Lady Gaga cds because he’s interested in ancient history (I died of old age on the spot) and Gavin was excited about a color kindle to read obscure fantasy comics on. It was a big relief. It all turned out good, even though all I could really get my shit together with was the food. I sat on the couch under a pile of winter accessories (I WANTED insulated gloves and boots, thankyouverymuch), watching the cats rampage around their new kitty battle tower while the family filled the living room with shredded wrapping paper until it was time to get up and make eggs benedict à la prime rib. I didn’t fail completely, though - in a fit of ain’t-give-a-damn-about-internet-security that I had almost forgotten about, I ordered some really stupid t-shirts, a Murderbot “Rise and Fall of Sanctuary Moon” sweater, and an enormous floppy goose that went over really well. Nailed it - kind of accidentally, because I also painted my sister-in-law’s dog, who I did not realize had DIED, and made her cry happy tears when she got it in the mail. I should probably check Facebook more than twice a year.

It is all chocolate, Stranger Things (not the new season, we’re introducing Zenny to the first seasons because she’s finally old enough, so NO SPOILERS), and flaming figgy pudding from here on out.

Books and coos 

Eggs benny with tomato and roast beef. My mother worked her way through college as a cook at a restaurant,  so my poached egg game has to be ON POINT

It’s been messier 

The boy likes pianos, world history, and water fowl

Every year I find my favorite stupid shirts to give my kids something to talk about in therapy some day 

Billy liked the murder lair

I knitted that stocking when I was pregnant with him *sob*

Somehow they all fit breakfast on top of the chocolate they’d been eating for 3 hours

Look! Someone even took a picture of me. Kind of.

Evening at my mom’s house, and my hair was doing something good.

All the Eve leftovers go into a big meat pie on Christmas Day

‘Gluten for me, but not for thee’ figgy puddings, for people with and without allergies 

The walnut kept burning like a log until my mother poked it off with a fork and threw it in the sink