Sunset cruise

The boat ride was everything you could ask for from an aging cruise ship next to an abandoned Hooters. 

 

Aloha Tower used to be a trendy shopping destination full of VR rides, shops, restaurants, tropical bars, and the maritime museum. Now it's rented by a private university and a Scientology church.When we arrived 20 minutes early, we were surprised to see one bar was still open, with a large chalkboard sign pointed at the cruise ship waiting area: 4 FOR 20 ANY BEER. Challenge accepted. We sat next to a giant fiberglass shark and drank Guinness and Maui Brewing Co, watching the pre-boarding hula from outdoor bar stools.

 

The buffet was mostly macaroni salad and dry teri chicken. The drinks were mostly pineapple juice, with just the barest whiff of alcohol. Probably they did not need 200 tourists getting drunk and concussing themselves or falling overboard every time the ship rocked. Someone face-planted on the way to the dessert table, anyway.

I saw a whale's nose-holes as it surfaced nearby, and two dolphin dorsal fins. Everyone applauded. 

At sunset we went to the top deck to watch the city lights come on. It was really pretty. I was surprised more people weren't up there; most of the tourists opted to stay close to the bar, insinuating teaspoonfuls of alcohol out of $10 frozen drinks.

When it was dark, the floor show started. The servers changed outfits and performed rapid-fire one-minute hula routines, sprinted into the hallway, tore into a new costume, and sprinted back for their next set. Coconut bras in one set became clapping instruments in the next set, zippers were half undone, it was choreographed chaos. There were only two men, so they had to run between 3 decks to do their bits.

RUN, YOU CAN DO IT

When all of them were close to collapsing, the ukulele player turned on YMCA so they could stop and catch their breath for a bit. You guys. People still jump up and do this thing with all the gusto they can muster. Why have we not developed another uncoordinated drunk-person sing-along anthem in the past 45 years? There have been attempts, but none have stuck like this one. It is a mystery of nature.

YMCfml

 

It was flawlessly tacky. The dancers did a good job with a tough gig. It's hard getting a job performing hula in any meaningful context, but it's so important to keep it alive and well represented, even if all you get is a 2-hour budget cruise.

 

Overall, would recommend, but not repeat. Except the part at the bar with the fiberglass shark, that was aces.