“So I did what any true American would do”

The friendly alcoholic who gets loaded and comes by the library to flex his arms and flirt (badly) showed up the other day. "Hey, so right now I'm a volunteer firefighter. There's a fire out here, but it’s only small, like a cup of water or something would put it out. "

I walked outside with him to a pile of smoking sawdust next to some recently trimmed tree trunks. Went back into the library, filled a bowl with water, and carried it outside to dump on the fire just as little flames were getting going. Stamped out the glowing embers and looked around for a cigarette butt. Couldn't find one, but here was an open 40oz beer on a parking block a few feet away, a good spot for a drink and a smoke and maybe a hasty disposal of evidence after accidentally setting a fire in front of a library.

While I hooked up the hose to spray down the rest of the sawdust, he stood around chatting. "Sooo how's it going? Everyone good? Yeah, my gout is real bad. Too much beer! Haha. Yeah, and I ate some shrimp. Look, the leg is all purple. So anyway, you look good. Your smile always makes me think, yeah, that's a good woman. So I lost the place I was staying, but I missed it and so I went back, but there were some guys there and they made me leave. So I did what any true American would do - I went out and took a, fuckin, huge Vicodin. Whoo. Yeah. Haha, but no, you drink a lot of water and it just breaks that stuff right up in your system, so you can come down. Look at my leg though. Well good job with the fire! Bet you're glad I was here, looks like I have a future as a fire fighter, huh? See ya!"

A future as an arsonist, anyway.

Thanks for making my day more interesting, buddy.