Definitely not Batman

While hanging up the “closed for lunch” sign, I could hear someone nearby rage-screaming. A man on a bicycle was riding up the hill, swearing at traffic and making kicking motions at the cars with one leg. I closed the gates and locked the door just as he rolled up to the library and began banging on the glass. “WHERE ARE YOU? I SEE YOU IN THERE. I’M GONNA FUCK YOU UP.” While we called the police and I surreptitiously filmed from a window, the man noticed the taco truck customers staring at him and began spitting and screaming. “I HOPE YOUR BABY DIES. LOOKS LIKE BATMAN AND THE JOKER JUST PULLED INTO TOWN. WHOO!” 

Whoo,  like a badly written cartoon villain.

But he did not fuck anyone up, he pedaled away in his reindeer pajama pants when he heard a siren approaching. 

Gavin went back to college. The vice principal called to tell us that Leif was significantly exposed during the first week of school. The public is hostile, and I’m flipping between acting like a manic Walmart greeter and staring at them with empty burned out eyeballs. 

“I'm not wearing a face diaper!" 

"You didn’t ask my DOG for a vaccine card, that’s how ridiculous this is!” 

Dude. 

 

Spent some time looking for other state jobs I could switch to without losing my accrued retirement, and found two that I am qualified for:

Court bailiff.

Pro: calls out case numbers and witnesses, wears spiffy clothes, has a gun. 

Con: has to “maintain order”, has a gun. 100% would shoot an unruly defendant or lawyer or my own stupid ass.

Child/Adult Protective Services Specialist

Pro: saves children and old people from abuse.

Con: position description includes “extremely volatile situations”, and “high degree of hostility”. 100% would get mauled by a dog and punched in the face.

I’m probably okay standing at a door and getting cussed at by retirees and tourists for a while longer. 

One of my after-school library kids took a spill on his skateboard the other day, and while I was wiping the blood off his elbows and sticking on bandages, I was reminded that being a trusted adult matters. Besides helping these kids learn to enjoy reading, I have rescued the injured animals they bring to me, wiped up blood, cleaned vomit, helped with bathroom accidents, held head wounds shut, and knelt next to a 6 year-old who had been run over. I was just a place holder until more qualified people could get there, but I think it matters. They matter to me, anyway.