Annual questionnaire 2020

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before?  Rescued a rooster impaled clean through with a steel dart. Made Julia Child’s chicken fricassee (whoa). Had a gallery show. Got weird about romance novel covers.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions? The theme was “get the ball rolling”. Let’s check in on how that’s going:

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My friend's baby 'Meaty' arrived in March! And the world shut down. Coincidence?

4. Did anyone die? Mjolnir. Mike's grandparents are both in the hospital with covid. My cousin died of the virus. And my step-grandfather. And a family friend. And my co-worker’s neighbor. My friend Philip died of a heart attack. My colleague Rick died in a plane crash. An egg-bound chicken died in my arms. My aunt almost died after her son smashed her finger in the car door like a candy cane and it went septic, necessitating an IV of antibiotics for a month. If spotting the Spectre of Death were like spotting shooting stars, it was a meteor shower of a year.

5. What places did you visit? lol

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? I’d actually like to keep the masks, thanks. I have a face that would really suit a beard, and this is as close as I’ll get. I'll take the vaccine, though. And a plane ride with my new star-spangled driver’s license.

7. What moments from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory?

Zenny vs. the roofing nail. 

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Gallery show! That is all. I sat at the library door and felt my life drain away for the rest of the year.

9. What was your biggest failure? Being nice to patrons while sitting at the door feeling my life drain away. 

“You must be so glad to have people back inside the library!”

No. 

“MASKS DON’T WORK I HAVE A MEDICAL CONDITION.” 

Ffs.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I burned my hand pretty badly on a roast beef.

 
11. What was the best thing you bought? We made a point of buying food from small restaurants every Friday to help keep our town alive, and discovered a place nearby that makes fresh calzones and stromboli. Good citizenship and wadded up pizza. This was a win.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Gavin got his driver's license and has been applying to colleges and Apple internships. Leif learned to play piano. Zenny started reading chapter books. Mike worked from home and got all the kids through distance learning without losing his shit. I am not on this achievement list.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled? I always make fun of tv shows where the characters speak to each other from 4 inches away, right up in each others' lunch breath, but HOLY SHIT PEOPLE REALLY DO THIS. They just charge right up like they're going to kiss you or trample you. I want my desk back.

14. What did you get excited about? I broke up half a dozen fights and wrote a bunch of security reports, that’s kind of like being excited.

15. What song will always remind you of 2020? 

Between Volcano Man and My Stick, there has been a lot of terrible singing happening in our house.

This is the song that caught me crying in the car, though. Thanks for the permanent brain connection, radio.

 

 

16. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder?  lol
b) thinner or fatter? This is going to become more a matter of mass distribution as the years go by. My meat is still affixed to it’s assigned portion of my skeleton, mostly.
c) richer or poorer? I think I’m coming out ahead somehow. For now. 

17. What do you wish you’d done more of? I was really wanting to rejoin the figure drawing group this year, just in time for it to be disbanded indefinitely. I need more painting models in my life, my kids are tired of me and have started assigning cats.

19. "So! How's your love life?" 

 

20. What was your favorite TV program?  What we do in the Shadows, Mandalorian, and Atlanta. I tried a few Korean dramas, and of those my favorite was Signal. I am here for the grumpy tired guys with strong codes of honor. And vampires.

21. What was the best book you read?

 

Troubled Blood. I know we're all mad at JK Rowling, but I like her stories. Your heroes will change throughout their lives, but your relationship with a song or a book or a painting is personal. It’s okay. You are a speck of electricity in a meat suit on a rock hurtling through a void around a ball of fire; just like what you like.

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, was good, too.

I liked Devolution: a Firsthand Account of the Rainier Sasquatch Massacre, but it felt like a first draft. Write it again with more character development and less “this is going to be a movie with Chris Pratt”, Max.

22. What did you want and get?  I got to keep my job in an age of economic ruin. Also: giant rubber lobster claws.

23. What did you want and NOT get? Oh hey, there is still a MASSIVE ROCK PILE where the back yard should be. I’m going to start trailing gravel around the neighborhood in my pant leg, Shawshank-style, if someone doesn’t get that dumpster situation sorted out.

24. What was your favorite film of this year? Portrait of a Lady on Fire. I also liked Parasite, and The Eurovision Song Contest. 

25. Did you make some new friends this year? lol

26. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Rum strong enough to blow the figgy pudding off the table. Flaming desserts are the only holiday fireworks I fully endorse.

27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020?  “I Bet I’d Look Good in Clown Pants”. Surprise: I do not.

28. What kept you sane? That train somehow stayed on the tracks without any help from its driver. I sat back and looked out the window all year.

29. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy? 
 

Cormoran Strike in absolutely stupid Musketeer pants.

 

30. What political/news issue stirred you the most? There has been a lot of very troubling news this year, and I was as stirred as anyone (the wildfires, protests, and Rick’s plane crash) but the news item that made me laugh was the failed Russian underpants poisoning, solved by calling the assassin and telling him he was in trouble.

31. Who did you miss? Nothing like a plague to make you think about the people you haven’t spoken to in two or sixteen or thirty years, and wonder if you’ll ever see them again. 

 

(Except you, S. You can stay fucked off at this point, I’m not sending any more Christmas cards into the void.)

32. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020. Nah. I’m going to pass on this and learn two things next year, instead.