1. What did you do in 2016 that you’d never done before? I... made a custard pie? Wait, CHICKEN HUSBANDRY. I learned how to raise chickens. Except I had a mishap with some rotisserie chicken that I was eating on the patio, and they got hold of it and horked it down, so now they are abominations with a taste for flesh. The other day my son went out to feed them and discovered the rooster strutting around with a severed dove's head dangling from his beak. Related: I have stopped trying to teach the chickens to give kisses.
2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I resolved to publish another book, and I did that thing! It is a toddler board book about poo. I nice book, a book I am proud of because it is the first one I wrote as well as illustrated, but still. Poop. So I'm working on another one, with the goal of getting another publication between me and the poop book, for legacy's sake.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? I think so? There is another baby in the immediate friends circle, but I can't remember how old the little guy is now, and whether he was maybe born right at the end of last year. Or even what his name is, holy shit. I am a terrible, terrible friend.
4. Did anyone close to you die? Our feistiest young cat died of a blood clot, and it was horrible. She's buried in the corner of the yard, which I am now scared of.
5. What places did you visit? Completely failed at travel this year. Failed at even wanting to travel this year. Adventure no longer beckons. Romance does not await. The wilderness stopped returning my calls. But I did finally walk down to the botanical gardens near my house and was really charmed by the rusty bridge over the gulch.
6. What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016? Formal shoes. I go through slumps of "ugh I am a withered husk and will never be attractive again" and dump all my formalwear in the donation pit, forgetting that I might still have to look as if I've at least got my shit together a couple times a year.
7. What dates from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I know 2016 was a dumpster fire, and everybody famous died, but I'm going to shove all that aside and just look at home life. I'll remember the day the cat died. The day my author copies of the new book came in the mail. The day we got the horde of chickens. The opera, the piano, the first shower in the new... uh, shower. Going to the ER with my three-year-old for another seizure. The emotions bounced around in the middle of the scale, hitting no unmanageable notes, and that is how you want it, generally speaking.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? The poop book. Also, I made Christmas photo cards and actually mailed them on time, which has NEVER happened. Even so, I only managed to get them out to immediate family, so if you didn't get one, it isn't because I don't love you. Unless it actually is because of that. Oh, and also, Christopher Moore retweeted a picture of me wearing snack boxes on my feet, so I am pretty much famous now.
9. What was your biggest failure? I failed to bag an agent for the other book I wrote, probably because I gave up almost immediately and got distracted by a new project. And maybe also because it wasn't quite good enough and needs revision/better pitching. I WILL DO THIS. After I'm done with the comic.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I did not! One year I got an infection after cutting myself on a flake of oatmeal, but this year the worst thing I did was try to carry a piano up a set of stairs and almost crush myself to death. I failed, obviously. Although come to think of it, I did end up in the ER once this year, but we won't talk about that.
EDIT: I broke my fucking hand karate-chopping a fence two days before Christmas. That is what happens when you post these things too soon, people.
11. What was the best thing you bought? A ceiling for the bathroom. Last year it was cracked and stained with big holes in it so you could imagine a feral squatter might be up in the attic watching you bathe, and this year it has nice art deco tiles that are really reassuringly solid and hobo-proof.
Anything would have been an improvement, really.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My middle child - always the loudest, breaking-est, most aggressively affectionate of the three - has discovered Dav Pilkey and has been pouring all his rude humor and slapstick into writing stories and comics. He reads constantly, writes on every scrap of paper he finds, laughs at his own terrible, gruesome jokes, keeps up with the big kids playing D&D and he's turning out to be a really cool person. This is the payoff for all those years of cleaning lipstick off the cupboards, unclogging the toys he stuffed down the toilet, discovering mid-brush that he dipped my toothbrush in fragrance oil, wiping up artwork painted on the floor in peanut butter, and catching him as he crawled out the cat door.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My cousins on facebook. I finally deleted the app so I'd stop going in and looking around and walking straight out again.
14. Where did most of your money go? What is money? Childcare expenses, folks. Always childcare expenses. But I really like my kids, so it's ok. It's okaaaaaay.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I was terrified when Zenny slipped on the patio and had another seizure, and that is sort of like being excited.
16. What song will always remind you of 2016?
I've seen more places than I can name
And over time they all start to look the same
But it ain't that truth we chase
No, it's the promise of a better place
And over time they all start to look the same
But it ain't that truth we chase
No, it's the promise of a better place
But all this time, I been chasin' down a lie
And I know it for what it is
But it beats the alternatives
So I'll take the lie
And I know it for what it is
But it beats the alternatives
So I'll take the lie
a) happier or sadder? I am more okay.
b) thinner or fatter? exactly the same. Again.
c) richer or poorer? Very slightly richer. Like, I could buy a ham.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? laying on a beach.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? reading the comments.
20. How did you spend Christmas last year? We had our very first Christmas in our very own home, and discovered that the neighbors set up tents and have a billionty screaming happy drunk relatives over. So we are not doing that again, and instead are going to run away to my mother or aunt's house. Food tastes better when someone else makes it anyway.
21. Did you fall in love? Those days are so long gone, folks. EDIT: I'm changing this question to What is the general state of your heart this year? This was a landmark year, in a way, and I expected 10 years to make a big difference, but I'm sorry to say it doesn't. You get used to it, though, and maybe 10 more years makes it a junk pile in the corner you've looked at so much you no longer see it.
22. What was your favorite TV program? Luke Cage! The Get Down! Outlander! Black Mirror! Good Girls Revolt! The Wizard of Aus! Still not Poldark. Damn it, Aiden, I try so hard.
GOOD
23. What did you do for your birthday? The whole family overran the burn-your-own-children Japanese bbq place and then saw Fantastic Beasts. It was pretty great.
24. What was the best book you read? I read the first half of SO MANY BOOKS. Of the ones I actually managed to finish, the best were Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, March by John Lewis, Nimona by Noelle Stevenson, Delilah Dirk and the King's Shilling by Tony Cliff, and Habibi by Craig Thompson. I read all of uncle-in-law Steven King's new books, too, but I just wasn't in the mood this year. Sorry, Steve.
25. What did you want and get? A shower! I mean, as a physical installation, not a one-time event.
26. What did you want and not get? effortless piano prodigy skills.
26 b. I have added this one myself: What did you NOT want and get? CHICKENS. SO MANY CHICKENS.
27. What was your favorite film of this year? You know, I was holding out for Fantastic Beasts, which was quite enjoyable, but Moana really surprised me. It was funny, the music was good, it made all of us cry, and it nailed so many aspects of Polynesian culture. I want a really big tattoo now. Go see Moana. Edit: also, Ghostbusters! Shoot, I always forget about movies I watched earlier in the year. Moana, Fantastic Beasts, Ghostbusters. There. Coincidentally, those are the only movies I saw in the theater.
The best movie we watched at home was Attack the Block.
Swords! Aliens! That adorable storm trooper before he was famous!
28. Did you make some new friends this year? Only the kind that live in the computer.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Try answering this question, reader. It's either SUPER personal, like "word from my long lost love, who went off and maybe became a successful motorcycle-riding triathlete who still thinks of me when he spits out something gross from a care package*," or an ungrateful complaint, like, "a preschooler who doesn't hold onto door frames screaming NOOOO when I need to wash the Nutella out of her hair." You've got to be really specific with these kinds of wishes, otherwise you'll get word from your long lost love in an obituary column and your preschooler will be kidnapped by goblins. So I'm going to go with "yule log" again.
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016? Woman Who Wore Old Lady Loafers to the Opera.
31. What kept you sane? Drowned myself in comics this year.
32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I really enjoyed hating Daniel Radcliffe's character in A Young Doctor's Notebook.
33. What political issue stirred you the most? Stirred? Horrified? Chastened? Inspired? There has been a lot going on this year. I guess the issue that has been touching lives around me most personally has been the drug war in the Philippines. The Philippines are one easy plane ride away from Hawaii, and a lot of our local families have relatives back there. Three of my co-workers are Filipino. My kids' classmates are losing neighbors and loved ones as the drug war expands into a vigilante free-for-all, where masked gunmen are murdering people in the streets, folks with personal vendettas are reporting each other in a "get them before they get you" scenario, and bodies are left out with cardboard signs taped around their necks that say "addict". Smoking and speeding have just been added to the bans. It's a really bad scene.
34. Who did you miss? Nobody. I'm okay.
*I like to put at least one inedible regional treat in care packages. This year it's chocolate shrimp chips. If I were sending any packages out, that is. Which I'm not.
No comments:
Post a Comment