I am finally learning about Halloween preparation, after 11 years on the circuit.
1) Fancy hand-sewn costumes lead to tears and rage, unless I have the time to do it right. Which I don’t.
2) My kids will pick the first thing that comes to mind, usually ninjas – even when nobody even likes ninjas – so there is no point in even asking them.
3) After the initial cries of “ninjas!” my kids will base their costume choices on weaponry and toys (“Sonic screwdriver!” “That is not a costume”), which I just end up carrying for the entire trick-or-treat expedition, so there is no point in even asking them.
4) Nothing will go on sale, it will just sell out. Buy the first thing that looks ok and run for it. (Although I was forbidden from buying the baby a dog’s taco costume at the pet store, even though it totally fit her, on the grounds that a) it was a dog costume and b) it was a taco. Which were the two best reasons for getting it.)
This year, the mall opened a seasonal Halloween store, and kids ran for the plastic devil pitchforks while I dug through the scary bin of discontinued costumes that have failed to sell for 15 years. Among these was a dusty Teletubbie costume, and Zenny flipped her wig with excitement. Teletubbies and Simon’s Cat are the only things she gets to watch at home – if we’re not counting family viewings of Doctor Who and Downton Abbey. I didn’t see a toddler Dowager Countess of Grantham costume in the bin, so I bought her the yellow felt Lala suit and felt like a big damn hero.
It’s like this, only… more deflated:
For the small boy, I ordered a viking costume. DONE. The large boy, however, has decided (after trying to get a ninja costume and sonic screwdriver out of me) that he needs to be Rob Anybody of the Nac Mac Feegle, and has been spending a disproportionate amount of time figuring out how to get items for his spog – this being a leather bag like a sporran, containing bits of yarn, teeth, and sheep liniment. WHICH NOBODY WILL BE ABLE TO SEE. BECAUSE IT IS IN A BAG.
Oh, waily, waily.
I have done what I can to support his endeavors with the acquisition of a red wig, blue paint, and an old kilt. It will be quite the school costume parade this year, if I can’t get a shirt on him.
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