Traveling with infants is like waiting for someone very indecisive to slam your head in a door repeatedly. Fortunately, Zenny is pretty good-natured, and we got off with minimal lumps, despite having added a stolen 10 year-old girl to the mix.
We were put up in a house overlooking the ocean, with high wooden rafters and and an arched granite shower. It was kind of amazing. “It goes down to the ocean,” our friend the rental manager said. We ran down the hill through the flowers and discovered that it did, indeed - vertically. Took pictures of the cliffs and ran (walked, crawled) back up the hill to lay on pillows and talk smack with the tweens.
The kids all met in a mass in the yard where the ex-manfriend's family was staying. There was an enormous tent set up behind the house, and all the children crowded into it. We left them with pajamas, blankets, and supervising adults grilling hot dogs. In the morning they arrived with matted hair and puffy eyes to eat all our pop tarts. "Did you have fun?" "Yes!" "Did you eat?" "Um, no." "What? Did you sleep well at least?" "We had no blankets. Gavin rolled up in them all like a hamburger." "WHAT? We borrow a child for ONE DAY and we starve her and make her sleep on the ground with no blankets?!" Great. For the rest of the trip, Gavin was dubbed "Hamburger" by the girls. The dreamy visiting cousin from the city with Bieber hair was called "Dallas". There was some disparity between the two nicknames, it seemed to me.
At 4:00am on the second day, I woke to a rustle by my head. I squinted into the darkness and a figure materialized, staring at me as I slept. "AUGH. GAVIN." "I woke up early." "Early? This is night. Night is for sleeping." "My tooth fell out!" "I think the Tooth Fairy is off-duty by now." "I'll find out." He did. She was.
Later that afternoon, the boy explained at length about his intentions for the tooth fairy, and went off on a tangent about Christmas elves. The borrowed girl listened attentively, excused herself, and sidled up to us in the kitchen. "Before you have a conversation with him about the Big Things," she murmured, "You may want to wait until he resolves this." I love her.
The tooth fairy made good that night, and the cows woke us up with Taylor Swift impersonations. Mike made it through another day of visiting without punching anyone, I got to know the bio-grandmas, many episodes of Game of Thrones were watched after the kids went to bed, and we got through to the last day in good shape.
The plane ride home tried to unmake us. The man and I had different airlines, and mine was delayed an hour. A sympathetic employee bumped us up to the earlier flight, which was also an hour late, so we should have been getting out at about the same time. Except it broke, and a mechanic was called in. 20 minutes later, we were rolling down the runway and Zenny was getting agitated. As soon as we lifted off, she had a blowout. Poop on her clothes, her blanket, my legs, the seat. She objected to this. I carried her, stinking and screaming, down the length of the plane to the bathroom, which was occupied OF COURSE. People leaned away in horror. I went back to our seat and changed her on Gavin's lap. The flight attendant threw a garbage bag at me. "Take it with you! Don't throw it out here!" Thanks. The plane tipped down and began descent. The moment the "fasten seat belt" sign blinked on, she blew out the new diaper. And the new outfit. And I laughed, all the way down.
So we are home. All is well, my duty fulfilled. Next time: more meat and beer, for mental health.
Pictures:
The way over - less poop.
The boy, before disappearing into his audio book for the rest of his time around us.
Maui - on fire.
D'aww.
Wending our way through the seam of the island.
Trouble, AHHHHHH
Shirts are not for vacations.
Sunrise. Note: no tooth fairy.
First trip to the beach for the dumpling.
The house we stayed in, abusing my panorama feature on my phone.
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