I went to court - I'm an adult

our pocket-courthouse

I was promised throngs of onlookers hanging in the windows to hear salacious details and clutch their pearls in delighted shock, so I dressed the part with a sun dress and heels. Sadly, the rain discouraged entertainment-seekers, and the judge took a look at the subject, then delayed our case to the very end so that the gossipy onlookers got hungry and went home. For four hours, I knitted a sock and threatened to smack flirtatious child-support delinquents with my rolled up legal papers.

By the time we were called up, the courthouse looked like this - only with a tired judge at the desk and a hungry clerk where the tv is:

I kept my statement simple, and didn't cross-examine anyone or make a closing argument because I didn't know how. My stalker brought forms and notes and a computer, and interrupted everyone until the judge threatened her with contempt of court. I was granted a 1-year restraining order (I could have asked for a 3-year, but I am still willfully optimistic about people) and she left calling, "I want to appeal!" Because, evidently, harassing librarians at their homes is VERY important. 

As predictably and simply as it played out, my heart still hammered in my chest like a scared rabbit while I sat in the little witness chair. I was already feeling weak and trembly from not having eaten all day, so I gave my shitty knees a good mental telling-off while getting down from the stand, in case they decided to collapse and complete the picture of Poor Fragile Librarian. They did not, and were rewarded with a premature bottle of Easter champagne. Blood pressure/sugar problems solved.

stink-ass ho