squirrel poles and guacamole

A class of kindergartners came to the library. As they checked out, I told them which of their books were still at home. Many of them are living with only one parent by this age, but I try to be fair and include both in my spiel. "So when you go home, ask mom or dad to help you find the book, ok?" One little girl beamed. "My dad works in WASHINGTON! We don't see him anymore!" Well, shit. A boy hurried to the desk and hopped eagerly with his card held out. I checked his account, told him which book he had to return, and said it again. He grinned and said, "My dad's DEAD!" "Oh... Well, I guess you'll have to ask your mom, then." Tragedy wears Garanimals trousers.

To catch an avocado poacher

"If we're allowed to shoot trespassers," I said to the man, "Can we skin them and make a leather jacket from them, too?"
"I don't think so. I think legally, you'd have to skin them first, and then shoot them for trespassing. Then you could just say that they were like that when you shot them."
He is very dark for someone knitting a tree skirt.

Our avocados are falling. They are fantastic.

A few weeks ago, a young man came to hang on our front gate, eyeing our avocado tree and demanding (not asking) to pick them all for his own profit. We said, "Um, no." The next day, someone had climbed the gate and stolen all our lowest avocados. I began designing squirrel poles and deadfall devices.

Just need to find a rock big enough to cover the tree.

Yesterday, the same backpacked figure skirtched his bicycle at the gate and hung on it again. "How are those avos, man?" Mike went out to turn him away. The guy incessantly cased the tree with greedy eyes as they talked. "I have a buyer lined up, dollar a pound, man." I stood by the door, trying to figure out if the iphone had a zoom function. It did not, and the man rode away before I could charge out and snap his picture, yelling, "FUCK OFF, AVOCADO JUNKIE!" Now we wait to see if he comes back in the night with a wheelbarrow and a ladder, having already cleaned off the branches within arm's reach. There are perhaps 200 lbs of avocados on the entire tree. $200 doesn't buy a whole lot of meth, but hey, maybe our belongings and children and organs might. I didn't see if he had any tattoos. They would look nice on the back of my jacket.

knit me some disappointment

Finished the entire back, front right, sleeve, and half of the other front of my mother's cardigan. Ran out of yarn. Went to grab my last two balls (leave it). Discovered this:

Oh, and the color I need is discontinued.

In other news

The boy was sent off to Oahu to spend fall break with his grandma. Both children have been basking in only-child-ness. One individual who is not enjoying any of it is Maura, the man's evil throat-ripping cat. She has been running away ever since we moved, and the man has been walking back down to the old house to retrieve her. This weekend he put his foot down and locked her in, and the litter box has been moved from the patio to the bathroom during her quarantine. The only space for a litter box is in front of the toilet. Sookie heard me in the bathroom, bowled open the door, waddled into the litter box, failed to fit her massive bottom completely over the litter, and peed on my feet. I am disenchanted with this arrangement.