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I felt numb all the way home yesterday, I couldn't feel any emotions at all, good or bad. I'm usually a calm person, but this was weird. My roommate in college had violent temper tantrums. She said it was epilepsy and that she was helplessly having seizures every time she screamed and cried and ripped up her art projects. I just stood and frowned at her.
 

I felt something today as I was driving to work. It started in my stomach and worked its way up into my head. My eyeball started throbbing with pressure and for a moment I thought I would have an aneurysm and crash the car. Maybe I could sail off the H-1 overpass and take out a few minivans while I was at it. Maybe even a Hummer. I imagined the driver getting out at work to discover a VW lodged in his luggage racks. I glanced in the rear view mirror and for a second I had vertigo - the back was front and front was back and I was sailing down the highway at 65 miles an hour in reverse. And it was raining. I hate driving.

One of my students loves the library but hates to read, and leans over my desk before school to flip through picture books and talk about life. She laughs when I tell her that people read for fun, and shakes her obnoxiously adorable little pigtails when I insist that in time she will, too. I'll make it my mission in life, damn it.


Dear you-know-who-you-ares,
I am sick of having an empty inbox. Things like "how do you do" and "my flight arrives at such-and-such time" would be appreciated.

If Brooke calls from the airport and makes me drive all the way back over to this side after I get home I'm going to make him ride home in the trunk.
 

I had a dream last night (oh, we love hearing about other people's dreams, I know, but this is my blog) that I had another baby. It was another boy. I was slightly disappointed to fail again at meeting my daughter, but the tiny boy looked just like Gavin, only with a slight curl to his hair, and I suddenly felt a powerful possessive love for my second son. Maybe we will have another one.


and now, last of all -

I got my first grown-up real-life paycheck! Yes! Dixie Grill, folks, this weekend! And with one of my best high school buddies on my arm! I am feel something again!