A call for a second interview from King County threw a bit of a hitch into an otherwise easy decision. This pitted Mike's desires against my own, and I've already asked a lot from him. I feel my hands are tied by what I need to do to keep my family together and happy. I just don't know what that is.
In the movies, some people make hard decisions over drinks, others sleep on it, some take a brisk walk, and a few organize a rock-off. Me, I sat on the floor between the toilet and litter box and cried. Whatever my bathroom activities, Gavin reliably comes to check on me after about 30 seconds. He cracked the door open, made a concerned noise, and came to kneel next to me. He wiped my cheeks with both hands, "Oh, mom, you're crying?" I noticed that he gets worry lines between his eyebrows just like I do. "Don't be scared, mom," he said, smoothing the hair away from my eyes, "There are no monsters, mom. The monsters are all gone." He kissed my forehead and hugged me.
Then he pulled me into the bedroom, beat me with a stuffed goose, and jumped on my guts with his pointy knees, but I got the message.
No decision yet. I'm going to try sleeping on it. Maybe a brisk walk. No rock-off.
I went and sat in my bathroom between the catbox and the toilet to express my solidarity. I found this a confusing and vexing place to be.
ReplyDeleteOptions are never bad: they are confusing and vexing, but wherever you end up, it will be better than where you were (catbox >holly< toilet).
xoxox
Oh, sweetie... It's amazing how life can throw these curveballs. Just keep being the strong person we know you are, and all three of you will make it through this intact. I love you guys.
ReplyDeleteagh! *wiping away mistiness* You almost made me cry there (!)
ReplyDeleteGavin and Yuri are right. Holly, you will be fine. The options presented to you can only be blessings. Whatever you decide to do or whatever falls into place because of circumstance, I believe, will happen for a reason. This may sound like some dumb platitude, but sometimes these things don't make sense while they're happening. In the end, though, you are still likely to gain something from the experience.
Thanks, you guys.
ReplyDeleteI'm working on just letting things flow into place. My life's motto is "let it be", and that seems to work fairly well. (Better than my previous motto "don't do anything you wouldn't want to be caught doing", which wasn't so great at Christmas time)
Not running away to be a hermit in the desert,
Holly