I headed out early this morning to test the traffic, and arrived an hour before class. I don't know if it was the 6 hours of sleep or what, but it was hard to keep my eyes focused on the road, and my head felt like it was a balloon on a string, making it hard not to panic and crash. I've been particularly sleepy lately; maybe I'm fighting a form of narcolepsy or something.
There needs to be a paperback in my purse. I miss reading for pleasure. I still haven't found the fiction section in this massive research library, although I know it exists. Maybe I will go looking while I wait for class to start, even though I am muzzy-headed and sleepy, weak in the chest and slightly queasy from my pills and empty stomach. I am not grumpy, at least. Yesterday was great, the smells of pie and brownies filled the house. We listened to classical music and sat around all day, watching Gavin play and catching a few episodes of Carnivale while he napped, snacking on chips, dip, and shrimp cocktail. We broke out the kebabs and barbecue grill while Gavin splashed in his baby pool, blended up some Kahlua, Irish cream, and ice cream, and rented a movie. Very American of us, even if we did opt for grilled veggies and steak instead of cheddar brats. At least Mike did his part to empty the beer drawer in the fridge.
But I do feel slightly grey today. This class isn't something I'm very interested in: Pacific Island Resources. But as long as I am not expected to turn out a 15 page paper in 4 days, I will probably stay out of the hospital this go-around (it's a lie, I have an appointment for heart tests in a week). I lost a bit of my pep somewhere in the past few weeks; to take a page from Bilbo, I feel thin, like butter scraped over too much bread. In every area of my life. I don't know how to get my stride back.
'You really wanna graduate that quickly to take all these courses this summer? I entered the program the same time as you, but I'm only taking 2 classes this summer... Of course, I'm eager to graduate, (HOPEFULLY!) get a job, & earn some money... But then again I'm afraid of what will (or will NOT) come after graduation so I'm putting it off for as long as I can! :-P (I didn't have an interest in Pacific Island Resources either, so there wasn't much of a selection for me to take a whole semester's worth of summer courses! I checked out that class' syllabus online a week or so ago, and it seems like a pretty laid-back agenda....)
ReplyDeleteOn a lighter note, is Mat in your class??? (*teehee!*)
(You're soooo over me asking about Mat aren't you?!?!.... TOO BAD!!) :-)
Hmm, school librarian track, or public? No worries, there are lots of positions open. (If I tell myself that over and over, I can sleep at night.)
ReplyDeleteI have to graduate as soon as I can or we'll starve. No pressure on me or anything.
And no, Mat took the term off, the bum!
ReplyDeleteI know it's best to try to think positively, but then again that can be hard sometimes..... Sometimes, in the back of your mind, you know you are bullshitting yourself, no? Oh well... (i can be cynical...)
ReplyDeleteI'm on the special or academic track, and it seems like jobs in those areas aren't as abundant unless you have tons of experience.... I have none, therefore I feel like I'm screwed... :-( I'll take what I can get, I guess!
Are you on the school or public track? I'm sure you'll do fine and get your "mojo" back. It does seem like you are going through a lot with going to school & work & having a child! Although your life is full of all this stress, just the fact that you are dealing with it all is quite admirable! :-) Hang in there! Hope you like your new class!
public childrens/young adult librarianship for me. Hopefully my book will help me land a job. Otherwise, I'm just gonna say "fuck it" and join civil defense to work overseas.
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