Self pity

After the games, Mike stayed with the group to break down the tea tent while my mother and Gavin went to pick me up from work. I looked forward to an evening with Mike, but the hours ticked away with no sign of him. At last, I heard the car beep as he locked it and I climbed out of bed to say hi to him. Instead I sat on the couch in the dark and talked to him about my recent feelings of loneliness and neglect. The band comes first, work comes first, the RSCDS comes first, while I'm left behind with the baby with not even a backwards glance. Mike hugged me and told me I was wrong, and we went to bed disgruntled.

I dreamed that I was sitting on the couch with an old friend. I put my head on his shoulder as we watched tv, and he shrugged me off. "What are you trying to do? You know I'm married," he said, his eyes narrowed suspiciously. I felt completely lost and rejected.

This was made worse by the realization when I woke up that I don't have a friend on hand at all. As much as I like Yuri, I don't know her well enough to horse around, let alone rest my head against her when I feel alone.

I rolled over and hugged Gavin, who squeezed me back, "Ahhh, mama!" He's not much for adult conversation, but I'm not really alone, am I?