Some time last week my phone buzzed: it was a ‘hey girl’ text from an ex. I have exactly one ex who would send a jolt through me if I heard from him again, and one ex who I’d be happy to catch up and talk some shit with, and this was neither of those people. Another buzz: he sent a picture of himself with a wizard beard. No thanks. I left him on read and closed my phone.
A day later I got an email from Mike. He only sends emails when he wants to talk about his feelings in long-form and express remorse without actually promising to be better. I sent him a ‘sucks to be you’ kind of reply and closed my phone.
(Note to both, in case they’re reading: get off my blog.)
(Note to the other two, in case of same: hey, girl)
My brain decided this was the time to activate crush mode, and one of my coworkers suddenly started looking less like a potato when he came around the library to chat. My algorithm—which tech bros insist does not actually listen to you when you’re speaking—ran commentary throughout the week. One day we talked about goats, and Instagram started giving me goat videos. The next day we talked about the hike to the puffin colony, and my feed filled with puffins and hiking. The day after that we joked about rural dentistry, and that is when my dude unexpectedly TOOK OUT HIS TEETH. The algorithm said girl, have you tried dating younger men?
GTFO ALGORITHM
So this is not shaping up to be a Heated Rivalry situation. It was enough to get me back on my diet, at least, before the teeth came out. (It was funny, I still like him, but he’s back to being friend-shaped. Probably a deliberate move on his part to brake-check me.)
Last day of work. Tomorrow we drive up to St. John’s to pick up Mike. My mental walls are going up, and I have a week-long home repair list to keep him busy. It’ll be fine. When he takes the kid back home for the summer, I will suddenly find myself with nearly 3 weeks all on my own, which I realized has never happened before in my entire life; I went from living at home, to having a roommate, to marriage and babies. The longest I’ve been on my own was 2 years ago, when the family went to Japan for a week. It was a really good week, even though a tree fell on the house and I discovered a feral cat living in my studio, which I tried to catch with a motion-activated camera and set off a chain of events that ultimately led to me quitting my job and leaving the country in the middle of the night on the day after Christmas…
…Actually, you know what, I’ll text the ladies from work and see about hanging out with them from time to time.
"Hey girl!"
ReplyDeleteI don't think you've related the story about the motion-activated camera and of course it's none of our business but that sounds so very horrible.
Holly, I sorta adore you. I hope that's okay.
Why don't those exes start with " I want and need to give you all of my money- will send ASAP"
ReplyDeleteWhen you have three weeks to yourself , the time will go by so quickly you won't believe it!
Go ahead, have a crush on yourself- I do!