Maybe maybe

I applied for a job. It’s a long shot, and it probably won’t happen. But it could. I’ve been thinking a lot about it.

Submitted 4 paintings to the art contest. If I win the 10k I’m taking it as a sign. 

Edit: It’s the dream job, an academic librarian position in a place I’d love to live, for better pay. Since the pandemic, my current job has turned into standing at a desk all day and getting yelled at about masks/vaccines/gay children’s books/government conspiracies/how to print, and I feel like my life is being wasted. It makes me feel vastly under-qualified - even though I do have all the education and experience to do the job. I have been summoning all my confidence. It’s worth a shot. I don’t have extra degrees or a lot of academic experience, but I have boots-on-the-ground experience in every area of library operations, from scrubbing toilets to payroll. I’ve fixed air conditioner units and climbed on the roof to find leaks and filed work orders and worked through massive construction projects with portable toilets. I know about copyright and environmental and government regulations. I could definitely help open new libraries on campus.

But of course reality came down on me as soon as I clicked “submit”, and I’m suddenly facing a huge mechanic’s bill (transmission and tires and brakes all decided to give up at the same time) and my kid started orthodontics, so I’ll be paying them off for the next 2 years unless I bag that prize money. 

Which could happen. It could all happen.

Or I could be making payments and handling complaints about purple unicorns being part of the trans agenda for the next few years. (I had another book challenge yesterday and it was so stupid I’m still mad about it.)

I don’t know. Been walking off alone in the evenings with my earbuds in, thinking about it all.