survivalism for the lazy and stupid

My co-worker held up the newspaper and showed it to Officer Coffee Poacher, who was hanging out in our office with his thermos. 

"Holly doesn't like the front page today. What do you think?" She was trying to get me to talk to him,  since I had recently admitted that I avoid conversation with him because he reminds me of someone I carry a torch for. It wasn't meant to imply I had the hots for him; it was like saying someone juggling machetes reminds you of the machete sticking out of your shoulder. I don't get the hots anymore. I am a cold fish who is only interested in oil painting and knitting patterns. I'd put the torch down if I could, it doesn't do anything for me, but I don't know how to put it down, so I just ignore it, which is why I don't wanna talk. 

Officer Coffee looked at the paper.

Look at this thing.

Firstly, come on, he's a really bad shot; 

secondly, stop trying to scare me while I'm drinking my coffee; 

thirdly, SHUSH don't encourage those assholes, ffs, tell them we are under an invisible dome or something. 

"What do I think? I think I'll be retired on the East Coast with my cabin and raccoons. Can't reach me. What you're going to need to do is get a shovel and start digging."

"Well, I have a basement. But it's got windows," I said.

"Get some cinder blocks, brick those windows up, and then get a jackhammer and keep going down." He added some pantomime. 

"So, like a big imu. We can flash roast in an underground oven."

"You should watch some of those prepping shows. Or pack up and move to West Virginia."

"Yeah, or... it could just take us out quickly. Fwoosh. Done."

He laughed. "Survival plan: just die faster."

"It's economical."

Oh look, I'm talking about painting again

Last night I accidentally ended up at home alone. I scarfed a couple forkfuls of pot roast right out of the pan and then ran downstairs to throw on some music and paint. 

On infinite-repeat right now:

Work in progress:

I forgot to remove the app watermark, which ruins the vibe a bit here

This painting is a longer project, and it's still in the ugly phase right now, but it'll get there in small sittings. Like knitting a sweater. 

Related: I have ordered yarn for my Seattle sweater. And I'm drawing up a chart for a chicken-patterned hat, using all my leftover sock yarn. 

I feel really good about all this. Maybe I will do one workshop a year. See the country from my easel. Drag old friends along and get some portraits of them as I go. 

A QUEST.