but where's my candy, mister?

A day in town to buy books for work. I dropped off the kid for his last day of school and considered making a dash around the back of the island for the first time. Took a look at the ocean while considering this; huge clouds walked the horizon, dragging heavy feet of rain. Opted for the road more familiar. Kept just ahead of the storm, ducking as it passed a leg overhead, blowing rain in a slow-moving mist through the valleys. 

 "Oh, we are doing such a good thing here, look at you, you're dying," said the bookstore barista, startling me out of a wide yawn. Two of them stood looking at me expectantly. Thursday morning doesn't have a lot happening, even at a place with free wifi. The rolls in the case were as large as my head, and I wanted one, for no other reason than to hold it and lord it over the other cafe-goers, but instead I said, "Coffee. Um, medium." "Which one?" said the she-barista, waving the cup between the two spouts of the machine. "Whichever you like better." "Give her 'Henry'," said the he-barista, swiping my card. "That'll be two-hundred dollars and fifty cents. If you need anything, I'll be in the back having a nap." I took my $2.05 coffee, which had a sleeve that told the story of Henry, who had been a cat. I looked into the coffee suspiciously. A few minutes later, I was back at the counter, considering a tin of gum and a tin of mints. "Gum?" "That delicious coffee gave me horrible coffee breath. Now I need mints. I see what kind of an operation you're running here." "You're on to us." "It's freezing in here. If I get the gum, the act of chewing might help keep me warm." "No, no it won't." "But I have to look official because I'm here for work and chewing gum will make me look stupid." "Oh, no, you could never look stu..." he trailed off, watching my horrible chewing pantomime. "Mints, then." "Yes, please." 

Many hours later, I loaded boxes of books into the car for the library, and set off to pick up a few items before heading home. As I was shoving the grocery cart into the corral and running back to the car, a battered van suddenly slowed in the parking lot. The driver was barking at a passenger, who was hitting the driver's chest eagerly with the back of a hand, and he began to lean out in the way a man does when he's about to try something. I avoided eye contact and ran by, pretending not to hear him. Drove to the exit, which was blocked for road work, and had to swing around up an aisle of the parking lot. The van had circled and was coming in the other direction. The driver leaned out again, and I was going to drive past, but caught the words "your roof". Maybe I had a drink or a box of donuts up there or something. It wouldn't be the first time. "I have something that can fix the top of your car, where the paint is discolored!" "What's that?" "It'll get it all smooth and look like new!" "What's that." There were people moving in the back of the van, behind tinted windows. "I can give you a price, you can think about it." "What's that." He turned to reach for something, his passenger was trying to suppress a wolfish grin. "If you don't mind, pull over and park." "Oh, I DO mind, no thank you." I sped off, slipped onto the main road, and gunned it. Idiots. Suppressed urge to brake, turn around, and go tell them off for being such godawful kidnappers and/or salesmen.

  Foolproof! 

 But that is all ok, because I bought a fancy new potato peeler and a bottle of alcoholic Sweet Tea. Summer is for partying and peeling things.