Want vs. Need

Very exciting gossips: the downstairs chain-smoking donkey-sex synthesizer-playing neighbors have been evicted! After being 3 months behind on rent and mooching food, smokes, and miscellaneous supplies from our epileptic surfer neighbor, the wife showed up at the landlord's house at midnight, drunk and high on oxycontin, and he called the cops because she was "slobbering all over and I didn't know what the fuck". He told them to be out by July 1st, and they promptly abandoned all their possessions and disappeared. They were discovered a week later, squatting in a bed & breakfast where the wife had been hired to change the sheets. And they had broken the B&B's generator. Cops were called again to throw them off of premises. They did not return here, and three days later the cops were called again to evict them from an illegal druggie communal living nest in Kipahulu. Then they lived in their car for a bit, reportedly leaving their kitten in the Buick during the days. Then, I guess when they ran out of floors to sleep on, they came back here and settled in like nothing had happened. The landlord marched over and asked them when they were getting their stuff out, to which they casually replied, "Oh, like, we have until next Wednesday, so we're cool." Landlord went into a dither and waved their eviction notice and said he was calling the cops if they weren't gone by Sunday. That is why I am letting the baby bang on the floor with cat food bowls at 6am. Very excited about dragging the patio chairs out to the front of the house to watch the cops haul them away tomorrow. Hoping they are high on oxycontin and a fight ensues. Ooo-er.

And gods help them if I ever see their car in town and find their kitten locked in it. I know they can't afford garbage bags to cover the resulting busted window.

Am feeling heartless and delighted today.

Laundry and materialism

One of dxfh's jobs as man-about-the-house is to do the laundry. So yesterday, after I determined that I would be wearing a cashmere sweater, jogging shorts, maternity panty hose, a leather thong, and a black lace water bra to work on Monday, we stuffed the car to the brim with garbage bags filled with 3-months' worth of dirty clothes and took over the entire front half of the laundromat to do them in one shot. I got to see a skinny old shirtless man with chest hair that grew in stripes, and a man walking around with his hand jammed down his pants to hold his penis. Amidst this excitement, we walked to the fabric store and discovered that they had set up a giant long-arm quilting machine for people to play with. OMFG. It was like driving a machine gun. It was probably the most satisfying nerd-moment of my life (well, except perhaps for the midnight release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows). Even Mike had to be pried off it by the saleslady. "It has lasers," he whispered reverently as we were leaving.

"We need that machine," I told him as we folded laundry.
"Yeah, but it costs a fourth of what I earn in a year."
"Not if we quit our jobs and become world-famous quilters!"
"Yeah! Then it would cost more than what we'd earn in a year!"
Well poo.

Following all this, we went to Costco and I nearly wept over a Canon Rebel digital camera.



Have not felt such a tantrum-provoking surge of greed since I was refused the Optimus Prime action figure when I was 7. Must make it up to my childhood self by finding $900 and buying the camera. My sons need me to properly document their childhoods. And dxfh needs it to properly launch his beer-brewing blog and start his brewery. It is a selfless act, really. Even the Dalai Lama is behind it; his books asks, "Will this bring you pleasure, or will this bring you happiness?" Yes! There, it is really out of my hands now.